


Its kind of a not so funny story

by losr



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ADHD, Anger Managment, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphia, Body Image, Bullimia nervosa, Compulsive eating disorder, Drug Use, Drugs, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Multi, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Smutt, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, anger issues, ereri possibly, its all gonna be a slow build, jeanmarco, self mutilation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1965087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losr/pseuds/losr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>¨We're all a little fucked up I suppose," Annie muttered quietly, taking a quick huff of the contraband cigarette in her hand.</p><p>¨Marco can't look at a piece of food much less attempt to eat it. Bertolts so racked up on anxiety and self loathing, his body looks like a map. Armin has at least two mental breakdowns per day and gets panic attacks every hour on the hour. Reiner over there has dysmorphia like no one's damn business and thinks his body is repulsive when hes probably going to outlive us all.Ymir has a track record longer than the fucking bible. Levis OCD to the extreme. Connie cant sit his ass down. Sasha's a compulsive eating dumbass. Krista vomits every last bite of food she to shoves down. Commander ¨Handsome¨ over there wakes up screaming every night and suffers PTSD that Rambo himself couldn't top. Eren has borderline personality border, tried to speed his car off a cliff. Mikasa heard, tried hanging herself with her scarf in despair.And now theyre both fucking stuck here too. I have,'t slept in a week and now....you're here too, a druggie who looks like a used up male hooker. Welcome to the fucking family.¨</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The fall of Jean

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic, also working on another three as we talk.
> 
> Trying to get this past thirty chapters at the very least. 
> 
> God forgive me for writing an anorexic Marco and a self harming Bertolt but it had to be done. and very heavily influenced by , ¨Its kind of a funny story¨
> 
> Not beta read, sorry.Feel free to comment or suggest advice. Comments and kudos would be great and *cough* I'd cry if someone drew fanart because I suck ass at drawing *cough*
> 
> Use to be " A guide to love, lost, and desperation,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Fanfic.Literally not romanticizing anything, this story is about a group of misfit people finding love, solace,trust, and hope in each other.Heavily influenced by ,¨Its kind of a funny story¨ in its aatmosphere.
> 
> Not beta read,sorry. Criticism welcomed. 
> 
> I don't own the characters, or else the series would literally just be yaoi tbh.
> 
> Hopefully shall fix each chapter more and more as I experience more writing, I really want this to reach at the very least thirty chapters since I love good long fics.
> 
> Comments and kudos would really make my day, p.s just to assure everyone I am not indeed aiming for a Thomas x Jean fic, I just need the builldd

Jean had hit rock bottom, and he knew it. Walking through the filthy backstreets looking for any sign of help, the acknowledgment of that nearly took Jean's breath away.

At a hundred pounds and still twitching for a hit, Jean had been walking around the rat infested streets of downtown Sina for what had to have been twelve hours straight at the very least. So far with the sun slowly disappearing before him, Jean could feel his bones as he walked softly under the darkening alleyways.

He was broke, not a cent to his name.

Starving, his last meal being a slice of pizza three days ago at a rave.

Homeless, after his last 'dorm mate' kicked him out.

 And restless, and desperate as hell as he looked for someone-anyone with some food or drugs to spare, heroine preferably but beggars couldn't be choosers. Hell, he would even take that jackass Hanne's charity at this point, he thought bitterly as the streets began to become shadier and shadier.  Sina wasn't the best of places to be out alone at night but after all he'd gone through, it hit Jean that he would more likely be given spare change at this point than risk getting mugged with his current appearance as he continued his search looking for a dealer with a fetish for lean guys or a junkie too out of it to care sharing. Not that it was something he was proud of but over the last few months, Jean had begun using his own body as his only currency. But who cared, thought Jean,  after a hit I won't even remember. Feeling a shiver run through his body that left him weak kneed, Jean began to speed up his walk, his withdrawal was beginning to kick back in after almost a week since his last hit.

After another hour of walking through the darkening Sina streets, he finally found someone, yet not a person he had hoped to recognized. The man was a tall ,in a gray hoodie and dark jeans bearing a heavy backpack standing menacingly at one of the more junkie populated corners. Fixing up his worn down jacket and passing a hand through his two tone hair in dire need of a cut, Jean began to walk softly over to the man as to not alarm him. Tilting his head in what he hoped was a flirtatious way, Jean began to use up the last of his strength smoothly walking over to the serious looking, blonde man as yet another shiver rippled through his body. All hips and ripped jeans that while dirty knew hugged his long legs well- Jean walked slyly, emanating as much sex as he could knowing well that his once toned body was now a bag of thinly veiled bones and malnutrition.

 Stopping before the man, Jean widened his stance dropping his arms to his hips.¨Hey there sexy, dont think Ive seen you around before,¨ Jean murmured quietly and seductively, raising an eyebrow at the man before him, making sure to stand tall and lean. Standing closer to the man, Jean could smell the slight scent of cigarette smoke on him with an after hint of stale coffee. A strange smell for a drug dealer in Sina's fluorescent underground but maybe the Titans were finally moving in more serious sellers.

 

The man straightened up as he eyed jean through a pair of tinted sunglasses, and speaking rather roughly muttered, ¨I'm a new recruit. Are you looking for anything I can help you with?¨ 

¨i don't know,¨ Jean whispered, pushing himself into the man's space, ¨Can you??¨ Breathing seductively into the man's ear, Jean felt one of the man's hand slip to grab his. A romantic, Jean thought slyly as he gripped the man's hand in his own and pushed his body into the large built man.

 

My lucky day, thought Jean as he began to lean his body further and further against the man's toned body, might actually be a good lay.As Jean's other hand began to stray to the man's belt, he began to undo its hold only stopping to let his lip touch the man's firm jaw. Beginning to slowly get on his knees, jean felt a sharp pain hit his wrist as his hand became suddenly twisted. Feeling the color drain from his face, Jean felt his body suddenly be pushed against the opposing dirty brick wall.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law under the city of Sina's jurisdiction. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?” 

 

At that moment, had it not been for the fact Jean had just gotten arrested,was facing conviction, charges for sexually assaulting an officer and or soliciting prostitution, the possibility of facing the father he had run away from four years ago and utter humiliation once this got out into the streets he had called home- Jean might have laughed. Jean might have actually burst into wracking laughter. Hell, Jean might have made a joke about BDSM then and there if only to see if he could get a reaction out of the officer who had just brought his four year stunt as a runaway to tatters. Afterall Jean Kirstein, genius IQ certified, natural born leader, silver spoon fed for 16 years,once high and fly socialite had now been apprehended for the first time in four years since having taken ten thousand from his father and running away from home. He had just been apprehended, for offering an undercover cop a blowjob.Oh my fucking gosh, Hannes would never let him live this down, Jean thought as he felt his body pushed into a arriving police car bearing the same Sina queen logo that had been Jean's only reminder of where he was for the last few times he had been too high to even know his name. Watching the alive night scene pass his face in a blur of neon lights and the eternal smell of smoke and alcohol, jean let his head lean back against the black polyester seating letting a quick feeling of misplaced relief and tiredness black out his mind.

¨Hey, wake up. Weŕe here,¨ Muttered a soft voice as jean felt his body be shaken slightly. Cringing away as his first reflex after a bad experience from a few years back after he passed out in an alley and woke up in a state Jean left rather repressed, jean looked up into the face of the man currently helping him stand up. Fuck my life, its the police guy I was about to give a blowjob to thought a blushing Jean as he felt himself being led to the Sina,Maria, and Rose detainment facility. The largest of its kind at 10 floors of white cement and brick, jean had spent the last few years doing everything in his powers to never end up as little as a mile near here and yet here he was, being walked up the stairs like a child. As he was brought into the bright ceiling lights, Jean shied his eyes away as the light flooded all the walking officers and newly arrested in a whitish blue tint. Feeling the dealers, scratch that fucking under cover cop's hands grip Jean's now cuff decorated wrists, the young convict let the older man lead him through a a large set of doors until they reached a sitting officer at a wide, mahogany desk.

 

¨Damn Thomas, another one tonight? Whats your secret man, looks like they all flock to you like flies.¨ Muttered the officer as he eyed the wary looking Jean over.

 

Jean felt the man behind him shrug and shake his head softly, ¨You tell me Mylius, anyways put this one off on...solicitation. Was walking around for food. Misdemeanor I believe but I think he should get an evaluation just in case as hes displaying withdrawal shivers and sweat. Mind trying to  get him something to eat while I put him in the database?¨ Thomas asked as Jean stiffened in his touch, why did this man just cover for his actions? Jean watched in surprise as the sitting officer nodded and with a quick, ¨Sure thing Thomas,¨ walked off to what must have been a lunch room or cafeteria of some kind.

Feeling the police officer began to shuffle once again, Jean allowed himself to be brought through another set of doors. Once arriving at what he guess would be his registration, Jean stood silent as the man took his height, weight, and prints. After finishing that , the officer sat Jean down in one of the only two chairs there near the desk where the officer began to enter the information. Now only handcuffed on one hand to the bolted down chair, Jean finally broke the silence as he now got a better look at the man who he had tried and failed to seduce.

 

¨Why'd you do it?¨ Jean asked with a raised eyebrow as he reclined gently in the chair/

¨Pardon?¨ Thomas asked, looking up into the man that had gone mute since his arrest.

¨Cut the shit, why'd you only put me up for solicitation. I tried sucking you off, you could've gotten a raise for bringing a prostitute more likely than a beggar.¨ Jean stated as he attempted to zip up his black leather jacket, now aware of how filthy his once white shirt was. As he was struggling, he felt another hand move his  away as it pulled up his zipper, looking up Jean saw the police officer's light brown colored eyes staring in his own for a brief moment before the police officer shrugged and returned to typing.

¨Call it human sympathy, you look like you need help not a meathead officer locking you up for a night and slamming a fine on you.¨ Thomas offered leaving the young man before him quiet as he finished up the last of the dates and account.

¨Name?¨ asked the blonde, shaking Jean from what had been confusion at the man's kind actions. 

 

Jean took a breath, what the hell he was screwed anyways, ¨Jean. Jean Kirstein.¨ As he finished, he turned his head to the opening of doors and felt the smell of what had to be a fresh made burger take out his thoughts of impending doom. With a blush spreading across his face as his stomach growled loudly enough to gain both officer's attention, Mylius set down a bag of fast food into Jean's lap and one next to Thomas as he departed back through the doors. Without sparing a look into the officer's what now had to be shocked face, Jean quickly began to gobble up the cheeseburger and fries in the bag with his free hand. While nearly throwing up and choking twice, Jean grabbed a napkin from the bottom of the bag and wiped at his face as he felt his stomach filled with something for the first time in days, although just as quickly a he attempted to throw the bag away into the small trashcan near Thomas' desk- the officer's own bag was newly placed on his lap.

Without turning to face the now very confused and suspicious two toned hair young male, the officer replied uninterestingly with, ¨Go ahead, I'm not hungry.¨ he stated as he began to go through the long list of results that had appeared after having typed in the man's alleged name.

Not needing to be asked twice to eat Jean quickly began tearing into the order of seven chicken tenders and onion rings as he felt the other man's eyes bear into him. After he finished and wiped off his mouth, the man left for a few minutes and returned with a bottle of coke that Jean accepted slowly. When he finished with that, Jean felt himself being stood up once more as he took his mug shot. When those were done, Jean felt himself led to a singe bed cell after what he counted to have been at least three flight up stairs. Before setting into the bed however, jean felt Thomas hand him a blue inform form a nearby closet, and without a word Jean stripped down and put on his new outfit, pleasantly surprised that as he turned back around to return his own clothes, the officer had kept his eyes elsewhere. With a quick nod , Jean heard the officer close and lock the cell door behind him, with nothing else left to think about Jean let his body fall into the thin mattress and for the first time in weeks felt sleep come to him with a full stomach. During sleep however, Jean's sleep was plagued by visions of long, vast green lands and the smell of copper and dirt thick in the air as he heard screams and thudding behind him as he sped quickly past on a horse, after a while however his dreams disappeared wrapping him in nothing but a deep stirless hold.

 

Waking up the next day, Jean immediately felt a set of nausea that forced him to his knees in front of the small, silver toilet in the corner of his room. After upheaving every last shred of fast food he had had the day before, Jean sat upright against the toilet as he felt another set of shivers force his body to the cold hard floor for relief. Weak from sickness, Jean felt unconsciousness wrap around himself in a bittersweet embrace. 

~~~

Thomas Wagner was a good man. Law abiding police officer, every Sunday church attending Christian disciple, still called his mother every few days small town raised man, Thomas Wagner was simply a nice man. More importantly, Thomas Wagner was a heterosexual man yet when the guy- Jean, had began setting a trail of kisses on his jaw, Thomas Wagner had felt something stir in him he hadn't felt in a long time. Arousal. And for the brief minutes that Jean had wrapped his hand tighter in his own and around his belt, Thomas had been willing to have let him go further. Would have, he thought if it hadn't been for the fact of officer Shadis asking him how he was doing. So with a stir of sympathy had Thomas quickly begun to arrest the younger male making sure not to let him grind against what had up until then been his throbbing arousal.

And as he began to drive the younger guy to the police center, Thomas felt another spike of guilt hit him over his arousal as the lights began to fully show the horrendous state the guy was really in. Bones sticking out, hollowed cheeks, cold sweat, pale parlour, and dirty ripped clothes, Thomas felt a twinge of sympathy rush through his body as the neon lights flashed the man's face in a thrust of colors. And so leading the man as carefully as he could, the police officer may or may not have gone off the rule book and gotten the guy a hot meal. He may or may not have forfeited his own lunch for the guy. He may or may not have downplayed his charge. And he may or may not have contacted the guys' famous father in hopes of intercepting a possible jailing in exchange for the guy's father to instead bail him out as soon as possible. I mean its not everyday that you figure out the young guy who you almost let get away with blowing you, was the same guy who four years before had the entire police force of Sina looking for him after his father reported him, his sole heir to his multi billionaire company, as a runaway.

 

So after letting the guy, (scratch that)-Jean dress in his uniform,calling his father, turning down a reward and driving to his small apartment in the outskirts of Sina, Thomas had fed his cat, put away his shoes, taken a shower and laid in his bed for five hours with a throbbing erection before slowly allowing his hand to push down his pajama bottoms as a slow blush spread across his cheeks.

 

Breathing heavily through his mouth, Thomas let his hand brush the already slick throbbing head of his hard erection. Jean Kirstein, he thought quietly as he let his hand follow the engorged veins lining his cock. Young and emitting sex, Thomas admitted taking a hold of his cock and pumping it twice. Tall and handsome even with his bones prominent, Thomas pumped his thick cock again. Rebellious, troublemaker,  Thomas let his finger begin to rub deep circles around his precumming slit. Jean was a bad boy, Thomas let his pumping speed up. Kirstein was a junkie, Thomas felt the coil in the bottom of his stomach coil. Jean Kirstein desperate for anything rubbing against him as his chapped lips lapped at Thomas' jaw sensually, and with that Thomas came, his muscles unfurling, his head arched back, his spine slightly arched. Thomas Wagner got up. Thomas Wagner went into his bathroom. Thomas Wagner cleaned himself up and showered quickly. Thomas Wagner prayed softly before finally retiring, he prayed for forgiveness. 

Thomas Wagner was a good man.

 

~~~~~

 

Jean felt like shit. Like utter fucking shit and he had a needle stuck in his hand. And not his preferred kind. 

Having awoken from his unconscious fit just hours ago that had left two police officers find him black out in his cell floor, Jean was currently strapped to an IV bag as he watched morosely as the man before him Mylius, filled out his transfer slips. Transfer to where you may ask? Well Jean didn't have a fucking clue. Still feeling slightly peckish from his doctor enforced light breakfast of fruit, Jean found his eyes looking around for a certain kind blonde police officer yet to no avail. And after three hours had given up hope when a bag of doritos had been landed in his lap. Looking up for what had to be the first time since this morning, Jean's eyes once again found the light brown ones of his arresting police officer. Somewhat with more ease after Thomas had offered him a sheepish smile, Jean surprisingly got to his feet and complied silently as he was led by Thomas and Mylius to an awaiting white police van.

Even more surprising Jean had yet to offer a word as he saw the words ¨SURVEY CORPS PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL AND REHABILITATION CENTER¨ in bright green paint on a washed out sign through the window of the van. 

Not surprisingly though, as soon as he saw two huge men waiting for him outside in all white outfits, Jean had thought,fuck this and fought. No he did not punch officer Wagner, nor did he kick officer Mylius, no Jean Kirstein had just pointedly refused to move. That was until the one of the two rehab hired men almost comically threw him across his shoulder and ẗhen bridal carried him to the other waiting man. And right then and there did Jean for the second time since his arrest blush as officer Thomas waved him a good bye. And for a fourth time after the officer had uncuffed him and he swore he heard a rushed, ¨ Ill try to come by and visit. Good luck Jean, I think you can beat whatever addiction you have.¨ 

Needless to say that after once more getting cuffed,carried, uncuffed, forced into another uniform, and getting patted down an hour later-Jean had yet to recover from the first kind words he had heard in well over more than just the last four years he had been on the run. Now drowning in a uniform of white plastic feeling fabric, Jean weakly let his body be led through a set of steel doors and walked though yet another maze of washed white hallways smelling of disinfectant and lemon floor cleaner solution. Being led though yet another set of doors, Jean had to hold back a humourless laugh as he was continually led deeper and deeper into this fucking crazy house. Not that it looked like a crazy house from the outside, Jean noted more like a small time jail or strict high school with an all white painted exterior and barred windows.

'Well would you look at that dad, guess I ended up being the center of attention you had always said I would be', thought Jean as he passed a windowed room where a tall oriental girl wearing a scarf had held back a shorter dark haired guy with green eyes and an even shorter blonde guy before they could press themselves into the window to get a better look at him now that he regained his wit.'Sure maybe not in the political agenda or lawyer firms like you had wanted but hey, no such thing as bad publicity right?' Jean thought as he was finally pushed into a large office.

Leaning forward to read the nametag was the name, 'Dr. Hange Zoe written in golden text, sitting down on the large seat facing the office, Jean sat idly feeling himself sink into the first sense of comfort he had felt since waking up earlier that morning. And while waiting around for the door to open behind him as he waited Jean took a long look around the office. Instead of simple walls stood floor to ceiling bookshelves cluttered with spare paper and notes. The only wall not cluttered wa sthe one behind the large leather chair and desk which was covered in numerous diplomas in psychology, therapy, speech and science from all noteworthy Ivy league skills. Damn, thought Jean, I thought they were just going to fine me- how the fuck do they expect em to pay for this shit.With a startling crash as the heavy wooden door behind him flew open and closed, Jean took a deep breath, look like he wouldn't need to wonder much longer.

 

¨Mr. Jean Kirstein? Son and sole air to tech industry mogul, Robert Kirstein? Run away at age 16 on the nineteenth of June approximately four years ago, year-2010. Last weighed in at 143.3 pounds and 5'7 inches on May 15th of 2010. Weighed in last night at the detainment office at 100 pounds, and 5'7.4.  Birthday on April 7,1994. Heart shaped birthmark on right hip. Distinctive birth mole on lower back. Sexual active since age 14. Sexual orientation leaning towards homosexual. Sexual partners, one Arnold-¨

¨Yeah yeah I fucking get it!!Stop alright.¨ Interrupted Jean now feeling a blush spread from his neck to the rest of his body as hear stared at the speckled woman before him.Taking a deep breath, Jean sunk further in his seat and nodded at her barrage of all too true statements not having felt so embarrassed since having almost blown officer Wagner last night.

 

Dr.Zoe smiled, ¨Splendid!! Well hello Jean. My name is Dr.Hange Zoe and I run this part of the center for mental illness and general rehab. The amazing men who led you here are Sonny and Bean, you should say hi. Hi sonny! Hi Bean! You will meet with me twice a month and will be facing group therapy every Friday at 8:00 pm. Mandatory, as are the showers at 7:00 am and the weekly doctor appointments until we get your weight back on track. Prior to bringing you here,  your body was slightly detoxed out due to acute kidney dialysis after what I hear was a withdrawal episode this morning while you were unconscious.  You shall nonetheless be facing added therapy with Doctor Carolina as your withdrawal symptoms become more and more evident. Your father has paid for your entire stay and no, he does not wish to speak with you until you have completed two months here¨.

 

Jean raised his shackled hands in protest, feeling a sense of hatred spike his system at the idea of his old man having the nerve to have brought him here. He knew that his family would be contacted last night but who the fuck gave him the right to bring him here?? He was a legal fucking adult, goddam it.

 

¨And he says that if you attempt to leave or refuse treatment he will personally assure your arrest and will personally assure you will be holed up at home for military grade treatment where he will and i quote, 'lock you into your room and make you go cold turkey until you unleash your two toned hair colored head out of your ass'¨. Said Hange cheerfully as her smile spread across her face. Shuffling a bit of her papers on her desk, she turned to him one last time.

 

¨Room 113, it the third hallway to the left of the communal room. Your partner's name is Reiner Braun. He is harmless and will no doubt welcome you warmly just make sure to leave his protein powder and magazines alone. The track is open for exercising, meal times happen at 8:00am, 3:00pm, and 8:00 pm. Snacks are available at any time. Bathrooms have no stalls but curtains. Calling hour starts at 1:00pm. No fighting, no harmful words, medication is distributed in one serving tabs and taken under supervision. At midnight, all patients are expected to be asleep and in bed and will be punished if found other wise. Any patient found relapsing or helping another relapse from their treatment will face immediate action and solitary confinement. And lastly, Jean, think of this as a fresh start.¨ Hange said smiling once again as Jean was roughly stood up and walked out the office.

 

A few more sharp corners and empty hallways was Jean dragged until he arrived at what he supposed was the 'communal room' of the center of which Hange had mentioned would take up the largest amount of his time socializing here in a blur of her outlining the center for him before she had let him continue on his way here.

   Already inhabited by a dozen or so individuals, in what had to be a sense of shock, for a second all Jean could process was the room itself. With light blue walls, and a large sliding door almost taking an entire wall and leading to a large field outside, the walls were decorated in mismatched furniture chosen for what had to be comfort over style as old and cliche framed pictures of flowers stood on the otherwise bare walls. The room itself smelled of coffee and yet more lemon solution cleaner as the buzz of an old TV played in the corner. Although more prominently playing was a small radio near the back of the large room where a large blonde guy and a shorter shaved guy were playing cards. As the words made their way to Jeans head, he could just make out ¨Slow it down¨, by The Lumineers playing gently. 

Yet before he could process anything more, with a quick clink of keys, Jean felt the pressure of the handcuffs slide off his wrists and feet as one of the guards pushed him softly forward and walked out of the room with the other one in tow. With a small pop, Jean heard a door clicking close behind him and in that moment, felt like he was in highschool all over as he felt the eyes of every single pair of eyes on him when  all of the sudden he heard the softest of whispers from the far right corner of the room.

 

¨Shit, I told you all he does look like a fucking horse.¨ Said the raven haired guy from the window room Jean had seen while coming in, as he whispered it rather unabashedly to the rest of the room.

 

With those words, half of the room cracked up leaving Jean red faced as he muttered a quick, ¨fuck you¨. Quickly looking at the various exiting halls from the center, he spotted the words ¨Rooms 50-120¨ and rushed past the assortment of people all staring at him from mismatched furniture and chairs but not before elbowing the dark haired guy with as much strength as his weak body could only stopping mid-push when his eyes met a set of light brown eyes and adorable fucking freckles causing him to run even faster. Running down the hall, Jean had expected someone to scream at him as he frantically looked around for solace, for order, for his room but found no one wondering the halls which were but all empty except for the various video cameras beating down on his two toned hair.

Finally finding the room 113, Jean flew into the empty looking bunk by the undecorated wall smashing the flimsy door behind him and for the first time since he had found himself starving on the streets, did Jean cry and sob and tremble.

Into the shitty ass pillow.

Into the shitty brick hard bed.

In the shitty small room.

In the shitty jail looking fucking hospital.

With the shitty nutcases who had already laughed at him in his first five minutes here.

With his situation hitting him full tilt finally letting him sink his body had just done a 360 degree spin in less than 24 hours, Jean let his body plunge into a dreamless sleep as his bony body felt the exhaustion of his entire existence hit him all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry it sucked.This is just the short intro- the next chapter shall be much longer and include some more interaction.Hella more interaction.I know its a good idea but my writing sucks so Id love advice or comments, thanks for reading


	2. Of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oi first and foremost I'd apologize to Riverspirit86, who being my designated beta, is not aware of my lack of patience and who knows nought of my posting but you should all check out her page here cause her stories are hell rad. Anyways thanks to Lonersent for taking the time to comment and to anyone else who has bookmarked or added kudos. As many of you might see I have revamped the first chapter since the first time I felt it kinda sucked. Anyways, without further to do this chapter is named after ,¨Of The Night¨ by Bastille and shows what a typical night at the Survey Corps Center looks like at night while our favorite two toned haired protagonist sleeps off his feels. Hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: the heaviest trigger is probably self harm when in Bertolt's and anorexia in Marco's brief intro POV so beware baes, hope you enjoy and as always excuse my shitty writing
> 
>  
> 
> ¨Wont you teach me how to love and learn,  
> There'll be nothing left for me to yearn,  
> Think of me and burn and let me hold your hand,  
> Oh yeah-ah-eh,  
> I don't want to face the world in tears,  
> Please think again,  
> I'm on my knees,  
> Sing that song to me,  
> No reason to repent,¨
> 
> -Bastille - Of The Night Lyrics

Connie Springer couldn't sleep.

There was a new resident here. There was a new person here. There was a new fucking person here. Like holy shit, can you believe it?

Like breathing a few rooms down from him!!!

Connie got up.

He had to do something, and so with much distaste from his roommate, Connie did the only think he could think of and got out puzzle Dr.Zoe had handed to him at their last meeting.

It was a stupid puzzle. A puzzle of ducks but it was meant to be stupid. Mean to be boring. Meant to slow down the wheels always turning in Connie's head. Meant to calm down his hands and mind if he ever had trouble going to sleep or concentrating. The puzzle has four hundred little parts. Not one hundred -not two hundred- not three hundred , but four hundred!!

 Connie sat down on the soft wooden floor, dumping the pieces on the ground- slowly beginning to sort out the outline Connie made sure to quiet his hand movements as his hand began to put together the soft green of some grass in the left hand corner of the puzzle. You see, Connie needed to be quiet. Connie had a roommate. His roommate was Levi. And Levi...... Levi actually scared the shit out of Connie. And after various threats on his life and at least three hour long lectures that always turned into nagging about his hygiene, Connie had learned that a sleeping Levi was a good Levi. A sleeping Levi meant one less thing for the young ADHD teen to worry about.

 

Just a few minutes in however, Levi threw his fucking shoe at Connie and effectively turned off the lights with a wet towel while muttering that Connie was a ¨fucking dirty brat¨. Still rubbing his shaved head, Connie looked down at the puzzle pieces before him. He had only gotten a measly thirty of the pieces connected.

400-30=370.370 pieces he had yet to complete.

370 pieces had had not yet completed.

370 pieces that were not connected.

370 pieces that were not indeed ducks.

Connie still needed to do something.

So without further disturbing Levi, even though he knew Levi would get up soon and go sleep in Erwin's room anyways, Connie Springer began to make his way to the only people he knew would be awake.

 

Slip on his slippers? done.

Look out the door's window? done.

Check for rounding personal? done.

Open the door softly? done.

Look both ways? done.

Run as fucking fast as his shortish legs fucking could. Make it to Sasha and Annie's room one hall away from him? Done.

Crash through the door and tackle Sasha to the floor? Hella fucking done.

Sadly, as Connie crashed through the room and tackled Sasha to the ground- he realized three things.

One: He had not indeed tackled Sasha.  
Two: Sasha was not currently in the room  
Three: Annie was cutting off his circulation.

And that is the story of how he, Connie Springer, was currently faced down on the cold floor with none other than insomnia fueled Annie Leonhart currently holding him in a steel gripped head lock.

 

¨Wrong person Connie, this is the third time this week.¨ Annie said quietly, making sure to put a tougher press on the younger man's neck point pressure as the short blonde blew a wisp of her hair out of her ice cold, blue eyes.

 

¨Oi, Sorry bout that Annie. Killer press by the way, where'd you learn that?? Will you teach me?¨, Connie muttered as best as he could as half his faced was currently going numb with Annie's strong hold.

 

¨Connie.Focus.¨

 

¨Oh right, sorry about that Annie.Won't happen again, I promise. Anywayyyyyyyys where's Sash? Bathroom? Kitchen? Communal room?? Snack are-¨

 

¨Connie, shes with Dr.Zoe. Apparently she binged again. She was found hiding snacks under her bed, they searched her. Found a shitload of potatoes.¨ Annie said passively, letting the young man get up from her grip.

 

Connie felt his face crumpled as he looked to his right and indeed saw Sasha's bed undone and pilfered. A hit of sadness suddenly filled the young man's heart as his usually eternal smile collapsed. Staggering softly from Annie's release, Connie could only begin to worry about his childhood friend as the words coming from Annie's mouth made contact.

 

This was her fifth strike in two months, Sasha, why, you said you were doing great, Connie thought as he wondered how many days in behavioral solitude she would be in for this time. Having nearly gotten a week for hiding a bag of cookies, Connie could only imagine how many days Sasha would get this time for hiding what Annie assured must have bee a whole lot of potatoes.

As Annie watched Connie's face break, she felt a pang of sympathy hit her heart. Moving to her opposing bunk from Sasha's and breaking out her box of banned cigarettes from between her blanket and mattress, Annie Leonhart let out a small sigh.

¨If you want Connie, you can still sleep here tonight. I know its usually Sasha that stays up with but its not like I go to sleep anyways.¨ Annie said softly, lighting up her cigarette  and looking at the shaved younger male in front of her.

Having been Sasha's dorm mate for the last two years after causing a fatal car accident due to going near a month without sleeping resulting in five dead (something which to this day Annie had yet to speak to anyone about), Annie had long gotten use to Sasha and Connie's sleep schedule. Every night like clockwork would Sasha take out a contraband snack, offer her some then go onto eat two more of the same kind. In a matter of minutes would Connie come smashing through their dorm door and tackle Sasha (In most cases Annie accidentally), and wrap his arms around the taller brunette. Within minutes would the two lifelong friends be curled into Sasha's twin bed and turn out the lights , where Connie's voice would slowly fall into the beat of Sasha's chewing and in most cases Annie's smoking as he would talk long into the night of all the things keeping him awake. While annoying at first, Annie had quickly grown attached to the way Connie's voice could sometimes lull her to sleep better than the pills she was prescribed. Sadly on days like this, Sasha's cot was given a surprise search and showed up with items specifically going against her doctors orders causing Sonny and Bean to drag her off to Dr. Zoe's just as Annie was taking her third smoke of the day. Yet needless to say there wasn't much that Annie nor even Connie could do about Sasha's habit. Being a compulsive eater was second nature to Sasha and had yet to show relent even after two years of being in care.

 

At those words however, Connie's head sprang up and towards her before his face broke out into a full smile.

¨Really Annie? Thank you, thats great. Thats better than great. Thats fucking amazing. Thank you!!¨, With that start Connie sprang into Sasha's bed and curled up into the blankets until he stood wrapped up and facing Annie's opposing bunk. And there he began to talk and talk and begin to unfold his long track of thoughts that plagued him every moment of the day.The thoughts that only Sasha's smell of cinnamon and talking could render down. The thoughts and words that began to sound through the room as Annie's smoke engulfed them both, as if substituting for the missing heartbeat.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Levi really fucking hated germs. They were dirty. They were disgusting. They were even more repulsive than potato girl having an eating competition with his roommate (and that meant a fuck ton lot). Hell, they were probably Satan's sperm for all he cared, and they were EVERYWHERE. Even on soap could germs invade Levi's presence and attempt to make him filthy.

Those bastards, how fucking dare they.

If it were up to him for that matter, Levi would probably never leave his side of his dorm and live out his days with a chlorine rag near his face. Thats how far the germs had driven him, he thought, they made him want to live in a bubble and never leave. They wanted him to be weak. They wanted him to be vulnerable. They wanted to break him down.

Fortunately those bastards didn't know who they were dealing with, so with handy dandy portable clorox bottle- Levi began to make his nightly trek softly to the hallway to his left and subtly as always turned the knob with a tissue to none other than Erwin Smith's bedroom.

You see, Levi hated germs, people, voices, dirt, filth, pigs, animals, and just most things in general. But Erwin was Erwin. He simply could not hate the blond asshole no matter how much he wanted to. And even thought he always hesitated to admit it, Levi loved Erwin.

Not in the ¨I want him to pound me seven ways into next week¨, because sex was disgusting and that big old brute would probably destroy him with his no doubt monster cock but....Levi did love Erwin. It had been Erwin who had one day found Levi in their shared apartment, scrubbing away his hands so strongly with soap that he had removed some of his skin and had been literally covered in bloody soap studs. It had been Erwin that had taken one look at his old Marine touring buddy, wrapped up his hands in gauze, picked him up and then proceeded to calmly walk Levi over his shoulder five miles to the nearby Hospital. It had been Erwin that had stood by his side in the hospital as doctors rushed around wondering what had caused the once stable Corporal Ackerman to mutilate himself with a fucking sponge. It had been Erwin who at that moment informed them of Levi's OCD tendencies and agoraphobia in hopes of finding him help. Even more it had been Erwin,who had also informed them of his own PTSD in hopes of tagging along with Levi for moral support.

 

It had been Erwin who had willingly committed himself along with Levi into this hell hole out of his fucked up sense of comradeship and that alone solidified what Levi believed to be a strong sense of love between the two 25 year olds. I mean who the fuck willingly goes into a fucking asylum with someone just so they wont be alone?

 

Not romantic, Levi noted but they definitely loved each other he thought as he laid down on Erwin's bunk and curled up into the muscular's blonde's arm, squirming as his smaller figure took its usual place. Ever since their first night after both being discharged-(before their shit had hit the fan, mind you)- Levi had been awoken at an ungodly hour of the night to a sound that had chilled him to his core, Erwin's screaming. Upon stumbling to Erwin's room with his gun up and ready to mutilate who ever had dared laid a finger on his best friend and most trusted comrade, Levi had been surprised not to find an intruder or enemy but to have found his leading commander, his stoic leader, his fucking rock, covered in sweat and screaming himself awake. In the short few moments it took for Erwin to finally open his piercing blue eyes and wake up, it had hit Levi why his friend had always dormed alone during missions, the bastard had PTSD. "Fucking figures', Levi had thought after all Erwin had run though ranks like no ones damn business- he had to have seen some fucked up shit.

So without a word, as a heaving Erwin smith woke up and came face to face with his most trusted friend and companion-without a word- Levi slid into the blonde's bed, wrapped his smaller figure into his and Erwin knew. Erwin finally knew his secret was up.

Yet without saying anything more about Erwin's condition, Levi and Erwin had always found themselves sleeping together since their first night in civilian and now patient lives. They of course had both thought about having a labeled relationship but after a disastrous blow job attempt by Erwin as Levi's birthday gift which had ended in Levi promptly knocking out the bigger blonde, they had come to the conclusion they were merely platonic. Soul mates probably but definitely only platonically.

So as Erwin woke up softly from a nightmare that had begun speeding up his heart, reminding him of seeing his friend Mike being shot down by Taliban forces during the second tour- Erwin felt Levi's smaller body melt into his and suddenly felt his heart slowed down instantly. Leaning down softly, Erwin placed a chaste kiss to Levi's forehead and began their routine of dragging his fingers though Levi's black hair. Feeling Levi bury his face in Erwins chest, Erwin leaned his head down softly, finding Levi's grey steeled eyes watching him as per usual.

Making sure to not wake up his dorm mate Bertolt, Erwin leaned softly into Levi's ear and muttered a sleepy, ¨Im proud of you¨. to his smaller comrade. And he was, because for the third day in a row Levi had not wiped down Erwin's bunk with a few sprays of chlorine before having gotten in like he use to when his agoraphobia hit him hard.

Levi nodded curling up closer, ¨Yeah, yeah. Go the fuck to sleep.¨ And with those few words, both men felt their heartbeats and breathing slowly harmonize like usual and in moments found themselves asleep.Nearing three a.m, Levi's last thought was that he was glad Connie had left earlier than usual tonight. He was a dirty brat but at least he wouldn't be in their dorm alone making a mess.

 

~~~~~~

Once Bertolt heard the soft breathing of the men slow down and even out, the tall slender man got up quietly.

He was twenty one.  
He weighed in 178.5 pounds.  
His height was last recorded at 6.29'.  
And he hated his self so much , the doctors estimated around 70% to 85% of his entire body was covered in irreversible self harm marks,burns, and bruises.

It wasn't that Bertolt wanted to die .Nor did he do it for attention as so many murmured about.

Bert just wanted to feel something. Anything.

Bert just wanted to feel something besides the constant stomach turning and nervous sweating and horrible blushing he felt every other moment of the day. You see his anxiety was terrible, fucking horrible. Because every minute Bert was moving he would feel his heart move as if he was always missing the next step on a stair case or if he was always a second away from slipping and face planting.

'Had it always been like this?', Bert wondered as he stretched quietly and began to make his way out his bedroom door, passing the two sleeping men with the slightest of wishful yearning in his heart.

Of Course not. he remembered a smiling five year version of himself running through his old apartment complex with a blue nintendo in hand, ready for a pokemon duel at any moment.

And now he was here he thought sourly as he reached his destination. Making sure to enter slowly, Bertolt made his way into the men's bathroom in the fourth hallway. Finding the third stall where his long fingers slowly shaking out one of the tiles on the floor- Bertolt picked up the two thin silver razors he had secured a few weeks ago, closed the curtain, and got to work.

With daily nurse check ins, Bertolt was one of the heavier supervised patients as he constantly proved to always find more and more ways to scar himself. Its not like he wanted to, that much was clear from doctor Zoe's monthly diagnosis. Bertolt was just a very ¨stressed young man without sufficient coping skills¨. He wanted to laugh at thee newest description from the doctor, he was just a coward who found it easier to slice his skin apart than to say hi.

He couldn't say 'hi' to his doctor of two years Hange. He couldn't say 'hi' to the nurses who for the last three years would strip him of his clothes and shake their heads at his constantly expanding scarred skin. He couldn't say 'hi' to his always kind roommate Erwin or to bone-thin marco who always smiled at him, or to kind, small krista who always waved at him. And he could definitely not say 'hi' to the large yet beyond handsome blonde guy Reiner who had been here for the last seven months and had yet to realize he was the only person who Bertolt would ever risk staring at.

Bertolt shook his head, who could possibly ever like him back? He was repulsive. With that thought in hand, Bertolt moved one of the thin razors carefully across his inner thigh watching as little beads of blood formed and felt as if he had just gotten a hit of a drug. For the first time that day, Bertolt let his long body lose its usually rigid composure and began to once again move the razor along his legs. His long thin legs. Now slowly bleeding out small mini pearls of red. Bertolt shook his head, he had already scared his wrists and preferably his stomach to bits, and while his legs didn't bring him the as sharp pain as cutting his softer parts would, they would have to do

'One day I'll be ok. One day I wont feel nervous anymore. One day I'll say hi to reiner. One day, I won't hate myself this much', Bertolt thought softly as he once again dipped the razor into his skin. He was alone. It was 3:35 in the morning and he was horribly alone. It was 3:35 in the morning and Bertolt was once again bleeding out his every last fear.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

In another bathroom in the Survey Corps Psychiatric Hospital and Rehabilitation Center,

Stood a freckled young man, pulling at his bone tight skin.

I've gained a pound, Marco thought as he pulled on his nonexistent pound of fat.

Damn, no wonder the new guy ran as soon as he saw me, thought Marco, turning softly to look at his side in the small break proof mirror.

I'm disgusting, he thought.

Freckled, obese , huge, repulsive, god how did I let myself become so disgusting? But before he could continue to describe himself, Marco heard the soft voice of his closest friend.

¨Marco? Im done¨ Krista said quietly as she returned from one of the stalls and began washing out her mouth in one of the sinks. Marco nodded as they began their soundless routine. In a few minutes he brought out their contraband items sent in through Krista's well off family.

He soundlessly opened up their laundry bag.

He moved around some clothes.

He brought out mints, mouthwash, and a scale.

He set the items out.

And he and Krista began to remove their clothes. In no danger of either of them finding in each other attraction, had they gotten use to each other stretched skin , hollowed stomachs and poking bones . The doctors had no idea how they both continued to keep track of their weight, eating disorder individuals were strongly supervised and prevented from daily weigh ins to deter weight loss , yet this was how. 

In their turns, Krista took her turn on the scale already swallowing the calorie free mint- the still acidic bile in her throat from purging still stinging her mouth. Fucking Ymir, Krista thought as she saw she had gained almost an entire half pound back since just the last two days, there goes my nights with you, Krista thought softly as she thought back to having been prevented from weighing herself the last nights accounting to Ymir holding her too strongly in her arms. Without a word, the young blond got off the scale, and began to reclothes herself as her older friend got on.

Marco stood shakily on the scale as the air around him swept through his freckled stained skin.

¨98.59 , I've gained a pound something.¨ Muttered Marco quietly, as he began to redress in his red long sleeve and green pajama pants.

 

¨Still very low Marco, at least it spaces out on your body due to your height. I'm an out of control pig dating a princess, ¨ sighed Krista as the pair began their usual sweep of the bathroom, spraying air freshener and packing up their scale once again.

Marco shrugged, ¨ Don't say that Krista, at least your beautiful enough for someone, ha did you see how fast the new guy ran when he saw me? ¨

¨Probably went to run off and blush about how cute you are Freckles,¨ Krista said with a smile as the pair began padding back to their appropriate dorms, Marco who roomed  with paranoid Nic Tylus having to mention a password before being let in as he waved at Krisa who made her way to the dorm she shared with Mikasa.

Funny, fourth night this week she hasn't been in bed by the time I got back, thought Krista before laying her head down on her bed. 

 

~~~~~~

¨Ok, fuck!! UNCLE GODDAMIT! I GIVE UP MIKASA! FINE ILL SAY SORRY TO HIM TOMORROW!!!¨ Eren Jaeger screamed as his adopted sister Mikasa finally released him from her iron grasp.

¨Good, the less trouble we have, the faster we will be released.¨ Mikasa said softly as she got up from on top of Eren, releasing him and watching as his face slowly regained its color. Making sure he was ok, Mikasa checked his pulse and then quickly nodded to Eren and Armin. And with a whispered, ¨Goodnight¨. Left the two younger seventeen year olds in their dorm.

Upon returning his gaze from the now close dorm door, Armin felt a quick panic take him as he got up to double check that his long childhood friend was alright. After grabbing his face and checking his pupil dilation and pulse, Armin Arlert felt the sense of panic fade if only slightly as he reclined back into his book covered bed.

¨Eren, sit down and calm down. Mikasas right.You shouldn't start trying to pick fights.¨ Armin stated softly , suddenly very interested in everything but what he was sure was his friend's incredulous face.

¨ẄHAT?! YOU AGRE-e with her?¨ Eren half screamed before seeing his smaller friend flinch in response and quickly dropping his voice, ¨But Armin, you saw him!! Hes that rich douche bag who ran away with his asshole dad's money! And he looked at us as if we're the freaks!¨ Eren stated angrily, as he sat down on his opposing bunk. The clock on the wall reading nearly 4:00 am, Eren wasn't the last bit surprised that life could still be heard around the rooms as he heard slight murmuring from Sasha and Annie's room behind his wall- For gods sake, why did no one here ever fucking sleep, did they all fucking have insomnia?

¨Eren,we only say him for around three minutes in total and so what Eren. He looks just as bad as we all did when we first got here. Cut him some slack?¨ Armin asked quietly as he looked up at his hot headed friend.Checking his own pulse for regularity, Armin had been attempting and failing to find sleep for the last few hours since the newest patient, Jean's arrival. Already usually alarmed, panicked, and regularly jumpy- the arrival of a new person brought a new set of equations to work with, quickly bringing Armin to an even worse state of mind and it showed as Armin proceeded to lying on his bed horribly awake at 3:55 am.

Eren breathed heavily, ¨Fine but only because you and Mikasa are too fucking nice to see the douchiness emanating from him.¨ With those words, Eren turned to switch off their room lights. Seeing his friend still so alert made Eren feel bad for having added on more stress so as he laid down in his own bed, Eren let out a deep breath.

¨Goodnight Armin. Ill try to be civil to that guy and apologize. But only for you and Mikasa's sake, sorry I added more stress to you. Night.¨

¨Night Eren, and thank you. But its not your fault, just a bit nervous as always. Sleep well,¨

With that Eren slowly faded into sleep as Armin stood lying quietly in his bed, already faintly hearing the soft rustling of sheets through the thin walls. Reiner was getting up for his strict hour jog.

 

~~~~~~~

¨Perfectionist,¨ They had called him as a kid. ¨Typical tool,¨ They had called him in high school. ¨Suffering from an extreme case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder¨ Had the doctors murmured to him just a few months ago as his larger brothers had forced him to sit still under Dr.Zoe's scrutiny.

But what did they know?

They weren't ugly. They weren't disgusting. They didn't have a too large nose or too small eyes. They didn't have too pale blonde hair. They didn't have his sickening body physique. They didn't lose sleep over their flaws. Reiner did though, had for as long as he could remember.

And so with a soft thud Reiner got up and stretched in his dorm. And with a quiet turn of his head, glanced at his new dorm mate as he began doing his usual 200 crunches. Lean, pretty pale, tall, prominent bones through his required first day uniform, overgrown hair which was light on the top and darker in the under fade, deep bags under his eyes, and Reiner noted - small needle holes peppering his arms and elbows as the young man laid on his back in his bed. Junkie, noted Reiner. Maybe he would want to run with him in the mornings to sweat out his symptoms! Maybe even want to go lift weights with him and Ymir to get some muscle back on those bones!, thought Reiner as he moved on to tie his tennis shoes.

Maybe later though, Reiner lamented as the young man seemed in no shape as of currently to be moving around. Oh well, Reiner Braun got up and stretch one last time as his body casted a shadow on the common soft peach colored walls and white carpeting. With a zip of his jacket and a last glance at the pictures of his family lining his side of the room, Reiner Braun got up and softly made his way to the communal room. Nodding to Doctor Carolina as she began making her rounds through the halls, Reiner slid the opening doors open and made his way to the track. They would send Sonny and Bean to fetch him soon to make sure he didn't over do but he still had an hour left. An hour left to help fix his hopelessly imperfect body.

With a soft cast to the rising sun, Reiner Braun began to run off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, comment, kudos, suggest,ask for requests, re-vine, and pray that Marco somehow became a nice Titan in canon so he'll come back to us and spare us tears, ~(^-------^~)


	3. Riptide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MWahahahahaha I have returned with a third chapter my dears, as always this story is very trigger fueled so be careful ~(^-----^~) Enjoy, this chapters song is brought by Vance Joy and is so called Riptide (100% recommend), which was thy inspiration for this,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jean wakes up to the ¨Welcome crew¨ Hange has assigned him,

 

The sun hit Jean's face. Actually scratch that, no something has just physically hit him straight in the temple. 

¨Jesus!! What the fuck?¨ Jean Kirstein muttered as he sat up in his shitty bunk, rubbing his temple and opening his eyes- Jean was welcomed by a motley crew of people all simply staring at him. One of the individuals a tall, darker skinned female with a spray of freckles around her cheeks with a hand around a smaller, scarily thin blonde chick by her side stood tall and strong. Next to them appeared a huge blonde guy in sweats and a shorter blonde guy who appeared only an year or two younger than Jean himself.

¨Sorry about flicking you. We weren't sure how to wake you up otherwise.¨ Smiled the petite blonde sheepishly as she extended her small hand to Jean.

 

Annoyed, in pain, sporting what felt like the world's worst fucking headache, yet merely aware of the slight cracking of knuckles from the other female who appeared to be the blonde's girlfriend and also seemed to be awaiting Jean's reaction, Jean shook the soft hand and nodded.

¨Uhm...Its okay. My names Jean.¨ Jean muttered softly, as he began to slowly sit up in his white blanketed bed- stretching ever slightly as the small blonde began to introduce the group.

 

¨Hello Jean, my names Krista,¨ The young blonde stated, ¨This is Ymir,¨ She said softly laying a hand gently on the other girl's toned arm lovingly then turning to introduce the other two blonds. ¨This is Armin, ¨She introduce with a smile, pointing at the shorter of the two guys. Short, blonde hair to his neck, refusing to meet his eyes, and shaking slightly,- noted Jean as he nodded to Armin, following Krista's words, ¨And this Reiner, hes your roommate!¨ She said cheerfully as the larger blond nodded and smiled at Jean, getting a rather weak one in return from Jean himself.

 

¨Uhm hi.¨ Jean responded nervously, now aware of the actual sun raised just beyond the soft white curtains that decorated the soft peach colored room and of how indeed the photographs of people on top of the opposing bunk did in fact bear a striking resemblance to Reiner, guess he was indeed his roomate.

 

¨Uhm hello Jean, its a pleasure. Dr.Zoe has assigned us as your ¨Welcome crew¨. Its uhm already half passed seven but Hange says she wanted you to sleep a bit in but the showers are open if you want to wash off. Breakfast starts putting out plates in forty minutes and we would all like you to know we will have an open seat for you. Feel free to ask us any questions or for directions, and uhm if you don't want to ask us anything thats fine too. Just inca-¨

¨I think he gets it Armin.¨ Muttered the tall girl Ymir cutting off the blond as he was visibly becoming more and more flustered. Turning her attention away from the now blushing Armin, Ymir turned her attention back to Jean before the others could speak up.

¨Go take a shower, you smell like shit. There should be soap and a towel in that nightstand next to you. Breakfast will be in a few minutes. You can sit with anyone, but if you see some people not eating or doing other things- dont say shit. Got it? Great, the showers are just down the hall, Im sure Reiner has something that'ĺl fit you. Welcome home¨ And with that Ymir raised an eyebrow up at the weak,lean guy before her, turned on her heel and left with an arm around Krista's thin waist.

Jean blushed, did he smell that bad? Without a word to either of the other two guys still in the room he leaned down and retrieved the small soap and towel from the top drawer of the wooden nightstand besides him. Standing up and feeling quite a few joints pop, Jean muttered a quick , ¨ Excuse me,¨ to them as the trouble young man made his way to the large open entrance down the halls with the words, ¨Mens Showers¨, written in large blue lettering. Relieved to see each shower stall had a curtain and that the entire room was empty, Jean began to srtip away the plastic like white unifrom he had received just yesterday and turned the nozzle in the third stall on for hot water as he allowed his body underneath the rushing hour. Fuck, he thought, he hadn't had a hot shower in fucking months. Scrubbing away at the grime and dirt that appeared to have encrusted itself into his very skin Jean felt a sudden lurch of disgust as he saw the large amount of filthy water now rushing down into the drain below. After a few good twenty minutes, Jean felt his body the cleanest it had felt ever since having run away from his estate home four years ago. Although just as quickly as the soft mellow feeling of happiness rested in Jean's head, he felt a sudden rush of weakness hit his body. Within moments of feeling his body crash to the floor, the next thing he knew a pair of strong hands helped lift him. Handing him his nearby towel, the large hands placed him gently on the long white bench placed beneath various mirrors in front of the showers themselves.

¨ Are you alright? Would you like me to get someone for you?¨" A strong voice asked as Jean shook his head, feeling his head shaking away a routine feel of fogginess- Jean looked up the man who had just saved him from shattering his skull.

'Damn', was the first thoughts that hit Jean as he was met with a sculpted face of blue eyes and blonde hair. Looking the man up and down warily, Jean saw the man already dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a Marine shirt. Aside from a few splats of water Jean knew had come from his rescue, the man looked impeccable with his blonde hair neatly parted to the side. Realizing he had just promptly checked out the man that had to be a few years his elder, Jean felt a blush fill his cheeks.

¨I'm okay....Thank you for helping me.¨

The other man nodded softly at Jean as he offered an extended hand and smile, ¨ Don't worry about it. I'm Erwin and I guess you're the infamous new guy around here? Here, Ill help you return to your dorm.¨

Jean nodded wordlessly as he accepted Erwins hand and muttered that he was just down the hall. As he stopped just outside of his room, Jean heard a loud hiss echo through the hall.

 

¨ERWIN! What are you doing holding his hand? Hes new here, what if he has something?! You don't know where that brats been! ¨ a short, black haired man asked as he looked at the taller blond man incredulously, seeming to reach into his pocket and pull out a handheld hand sanitizer. Jean took a wary look up and down the man, he seemed of muscular build with steel grey eyes and short black hair parting to show what was currently a look of distaste.

 

¨Levi.Levi calm down. I'm just helping Jean return to his room, he got a bit disoriented in the showers. Calm down, he just took a shower and I doubt he has anything. Would you like me to go wash my hands to calm you down though?¨ Erwin asked softly looking down at Levi a Jean watched on silently. Erwin's voice softening as his shorter counterpart began moving towards them while giving Jean a wide berth of space.

 

Levi nodded and gave a sly glare to Jean as he poked Erwin and pointed to the nearest bathroom. Giving a soft half smile of an apology and letting go of Jean to open his room, Erwin left with the considerable shorter man in tow. Feeling slight confusion at the shorter guy's rude outburst, jean made his way into the  room and found it empty, no longer holding Reiner or Armin as it had been before he left. Also looking at his dorm, Jean noted happily that Reiner had indeed left out an outfit for him. A plain outfit consisting of a white sweatshirt and a pair of grey  sweatpants, not his usual style but Jean would take anything over his old filthy clothes.

After toweling off, Jean put on a pair of boxers he found in a new pack in the second drawer of his night table and threw on the plain white sweatshirt and sweatpants left out by Reiner. Although considerably bigger than Jean and smelling faintly of what had to be Reiner's pine body soap, both items gave him so much comfort jean could have cried then and there if a certain short blond joined him.

 

¨Jean? Are you ok? Breakfast is starting.¨ Muttered the timid blue eyed Armin as he opened the dorm door a slight fraction.

 

Jean wiped away at what had been his watering eyes, ¨No I'm good. Lets go.¨

 

Side by side, the twenty year old and seventeen year old made their way to the Cafeteria just two halls down, one door away from the communal center. As he entered the white washed tile cafeteria with old school tables spread out, Jean felt a surprising emotion of relief flood him as Armin began to lead him around to pick up his breakfast of eggs,toast and Oj and then lead him to what he assumed was Armin's regular table. Just as quickly as the sense of relief flitted through him, anger rushed through his much abused veins as the next individual to sit down across Armin was none other than the jackass who had said he looked like a horse just the day before. Slowly beginning to get up, Jean suddenly felt a hand push him back down coming from none other than the tall, black haired girl from yesterday as well sat down in front of Jean.

 

¨Eren.¨ The girl warned softly as the other male seemed to be shoving as much food as he could down his throat to prevent him from speaking.

The guy turned to look at Jean with his startling green-blue eyes, ¨Ium sorvuyibi.¨ Then turned back immediately to his tray, giving side glances at the girl besides him.

¨Eren, stop playing around.¨

With a look of utter defeat, the boy- Eren swallowed down his food and once again turned to Jean. With a deep sigh, he muttered a quiet, ¨ I'm sorry, ¨ under his breath.

About to tell Eren exactly where his 'sorry' could go, Jean felt a hand land softly on his elbow under the table. Looking to Armin's worried face as he gave Jean a pointed look than let go, Jean signed. A fucking day here and I'm going soft, Jean thought.

With a quick , ¨Its alright.¨ Jean resumed eating, physically feeling the once tense air of the table leave as more people began to filter out.

In a matter of moments however , Jean heard the scratching of iron and floor as two more tables were immediately pushed toward the one where he sat in. In the right end he could see a tall slender guy wearing long sleeves and helping bring over chairs, a petite blonde with deep bags under her eyes stirring her black coffee with a look of disinterest and another guy with a shaved head tapping his fingers sporadically against his tray waiting for the chairs to be put with a large smile on his face. Recognizing neither three of them Jean turned his attention to the other newly added table. On the other side already sitting down wer Reiner, Krista, and Ymir who all but Ymir nodded and waved at him, Reiner taking his seat to Jean's unoccupied left.

 

And someone else.

Someone who made Jean's heart speed up as his own light brown eyes bore themselves into the other man's softer brown hue ones.

Someone currently covered in freckles.

Someone wearing an oversized hoodie

Someone blushing as he realized Jean was staring at him.

Yet never one to be the most polite, Jean unabashedly continued to stare into the other guy's brown eyes intrigued with their warmth and beauty and were those fucking freckles? Jesus, how could a guy that fucking beautiful exs -

 

¨Earth to JEANNNNN!¨ Reiner said loudly as he flicked a ketchup packet straight in between Jean's eyes.

 

¨Fuck, what?¨ Jean asked , quickly rising his head again to see that the other man was now pointedly looking down at his tray. Giving Reiner his usual Kirstein glare, Jean returned his attention to the offending blond.

 

¨Yes?¨ Jean asked with a hushed angry tone.

 

¨You ok there? You seemed lost for a second...?¨ Asked Reiner as he looked at Jean with a slight concerned tone. The blond having noticed Jean's eyes seem to have assaulted Marco's for a few minutes, decided best not to mention having just seen where Jean's interest had gone as to not cause a scene.

 

Jean shook his head, ¨I'm fine.¨ The last thing people needed to know was that he had been here for a day and was already pretty sure he had a massive crush on Freckles over there sitting just diagonally away from him. Who out of Jean's peripheral vision had yet to raise his eyes from his tray. Still looking at him slightly , Jean could now see Freckles had very hollow cheeks and sallow skin. He had also yet to express any interest in his food, rather moving it around. Flashing back to what Ymir had said earlier this morning, Jean wondered if Freckles not eating had something to do with what he was in here for himself.

 

Feeling side glances from those around him be not so subtly focused on Jean, Jean moved his face down to his tray. Praying for a miracle to get the attention away from him, as he began to finish up his breakfast Breathing in the scent of the ever lingering lemon solutions, pine smell radiating from Reiner's body and what seemed to be the scent of old paper coming from Armin- Jean let himself be lost in the moment

~~~~~~~

 

¨He totally checked you out Marco,¨ Krista said cheerfully as she elbowed Marco softly. It was free time and as always, the two found themselves walking lightly around the field while Reiner and Ymir finished their laps around the large paved track.

 

¨He did not Krista, he was probably checking you or Reiner out or something.¨ Marco said sheepishly as he ducked his head, missing a soft oak tree branch. Its not that he didn't what to believe Krista, but as someone who had never been particularly fancied by his peers- Marco highly doubted he was the new affection of the handsome new patient.

 

¨Nope!  Marco, that boy looked at you like you were his freckled Jesus or something, trust me.¨ the petite blond said, smiling as she did  a small twirl around her taller friend.

 

¨Oh hush Krista. Hes probably straight or something. He could be homophobic for all we know. Pro Putin or something.¨ Marco murmured, trying to deter her.

 

¨Nu uh Freckles, or he would've said something to me and Ymir when we woke him up. I'm just saying Marco, maybe you should try saying something to him. ¨

Marco shrugged, Jean . Jean Kirstein , Krista had told him earlier this morning on her way to wake him. The name felt right on his lips . The name felt right in his mouth. And if he was perfectly truthful, had a nice ring to it earlier when Krista proclaimed him Marco Kirstein as they had thrown away their breakfast trays in a joking whisper. At the thought, Marco felt a little fold of happiness shoot throughout his body- cheer up Bott, who knows maybe Kristas right, he innerly told himself.

After all, Jean  _had_  stared at him. And if he stretched it a bit, Jean  _had_  also shot him more than just a quick glance afterwards. Maybe Krista was right, maybe Jean was interested.

Yet seeing as small and thin Krista seemed airless as they continued to walk around the track, Marco could only process a new thought;

He would have to up his lifestyle a bit.

He'd have to start cutting out his two apples a day.

If he wanted Jean to like him, Marco had to lose more weight.

I mean, at almost 97 pounds, Marco was already much too huge, right?

~~~~~~~~~

 

Sasha was alone. Sasha was hungry. Sasha just wanted to eat something.

Food never left her. Food never called her fat. Food had always been present on the big days in her life. Food hadn't walked out on her. Besides Connie, food had been the only other constant in her life. 

She ate when she was hungry. She ate when she was bored. She ate while waiting for Connie at night. She ate while talking to Connie at night. But that wasn't bad was it? Would they rather she not eat and starve herself like Marco? Would they rather she waste the food and throw it up like Krista? Would they rather she avoid good food just to keep appearances like Reiner? I mean, what did they want from her??

Sure, she wasn't small.

Sure, she wouldn't look the most attractive in a swimsuit. But so what? 

Food had always been there;

After her mom died, her grandmother had made her pie.

After her dad walked out, her uncle took her out for ice cream.

After the school boys threw rocks at her while Connie was out sick, her grandpa took her out to the local bakery.

After getting called fat everyday, she would come home- to a nice, warm snack.

 

Food wasn't evil. Sure she felt a little bad afterwards. And maybe her diabetes did pain her a bit. And of course her sleep didn't come easy but neither did Connies, so why did it matter?

In truth, Sasha didn't think there was something wrong with her.

So what if she did always eat?

So what if she also ate Marco's food during their three meals, not like he was going to.

So what if Sasha was a little big bigger than most? 

Connie didn't seem to mind. Her dorm mate Annie didn't seem to mind. Her grandparents didn't mind.

And so what if even they didn't know they were doing it , Marco and Krista always had a certain look on their faces as she ate? They were the sick ones, she was alright. She was great. She was perfect. 

She was in solitude. Would continue to be in solitude for another week.

A secret inspection-they had found her hidden toasted potatoes her aunt had sent her. Dr. Zoe was horrible. She had thrown them away right in front of her.

Sonny and Bean had held her back as she launched herself after them. The trash can had gone everywhere. Suits Dr.Hange's office, thats what she gets.

Why would she waste perfectly good food?

As she sat in the silent, padded, mini cell; Sasha Blouse could only think of two things: That Connie would be upset and that she was hungry,

No, she was starving. It had been five minutes since breakfast and she was starving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comment/kudos/ and pictures of Winmin make my day,


	4. I Need A Minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh mi gosh, I apologize for the long wait- have alot of stuff going on. Anyways this chapter might be a bit OOC only because I wanted to play around with a bit of group dynamics. But alas, I present you all with Ymir and Reiner helping Armin get his shit together, some pretty heavy Winmin in the beginning and ahh the bae Jean gets introduced to Marco finally!!! P.S God bless Ymir and Krista are canon so accept some congratulatory fluff in celebration in the next chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is 'I need a minute' by Imagine Dragons
> 
> Pairings in this chapter: JeanMarco, Winmin, possibly some Reibert
> 
> As always, sorry for my shitty writing and I'm constantly going back and improving chapters so there's still hope this one might improve.
> 
> Lastly, sorry this chapter shall mostly be short and fast paced but I want to kick off more detailed events in the next one that need the character display in this one, hope you enjoy though ^----^

Ymir stood softly on the wooden floor, pushing a strand of brown hair back- she could just smell the faint smell of lemon as it permeated eternally over the rehab center.

 

Looking back, Ymir had no idea where she went wrong with life.

Boxing scholarship, pretty solid ground in all general sports, high position in jock circles, hell even pretty accepted lesbian for such a small town of less then a thousand. And if you pressed her enough, even a pretty high place in the small towns church choir.

 

She guessed it was around the time her brother passed away.

He was only 13.

His name was Daniel.

Cancer was a bitch.

 

Looking back, she guessed her error began when she found out and picked up a dozen of beer at the local convenience store. Then she drove home, or rather sped home. Past fields of corn, in her old blue pick up. It had been her graduation gift.

Had she hit a cow? Probably,

Had she hit a person? Hopefully not,

 

That was four years ago. Looking closer into it- , Ymir shook her head.

 

If she really wanted to look into the downward spiral that had hit her afterwards, she would just start to actually listen to Dr.Zoe. 

 

"Turn around Armin, let me get your bangs." Muttered Ymir as the young blond before her spun around, allowing her to brush the red comb softly through his front facing strands of hair.  Once having been against Armin's crush on the older vet Erwin whose dorm was merely a room away from hers, Ymir had come around eventually after having seen how ridiculously happy Armin looked when talking about the older blonde. Blue eyes wide and no longer trembling or stuttering from his nerves, Ymir refuse to take that away from him. And so with a quick brushing, Ymir stepped back to watch over her and Reiner's handiwork with getting him ready.

 

But if Erwin turned out to be a dick,

Well Ymir could afford another strike.

 

"You look good Armin," Ymir stated as she watched Armin shrink from her compliment and not so quiet wolf whistle of agreement from Reiner who was casually messing up his bunk

 

Looking down at the floor, Armin reminded her very much of her Krista. Small,blond, short, apparently a thing for much taller love interests.

Her Krista who thought she and Reiner were currently 'Working out'. Had been thinking that for the last year or so.

 

Oh well, all relationships had a few secrets.

 

"Armin, straighten up though my man. And push in that button up. And make sure to smile ok? Try speaking to him yet?"

Reiner asked from Armin's bunk as he finished flipping through the young blonde's collection of varied books.

 

Ymir felt Armin shake his head, "Working on it." He stated as he took a step back from Ymir and moved his light blue button up under his dark skinny jeans. Ymir let a subtle yet quickly disheartening smile reach her face as she brought Armin closer and fixed up his shirt for him.

Her brother would of been Armin's age right now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ok so maybe Reiner wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but the way he saw it- he could probably lift the entire shed by himself so did it really matter?

 

That being said, as Ymir fixed up Armin's clothes, Reiner couldn't see why Armin had yet to speak to Commander Handsome in the last year or so he and Ymir had been coaching him.

Not physically of course, Armin proved he couldn't catch anything besides a cold and once- a very bad stomach flu which ended him comically throwing up on Connie but Reiner digressed. Yet over the last year or so would him and Ymir come to the younger blond's aid by helping him get ready for his joint therapy with Erwin- Commander Handsome himself. Anywhere from making sure his outfit was coordinated to his hair being in smooth order, even Reiner had to admit that he and Ymir's help had helped Armin even if it it just held him stand up slightly straighter. 

Yet as far as Reiner could tell, the closest thing they had come to progress was Armin being able to accept a small Christmas gift from the older man before promptly running out their doctors office and in a quick result-  knocking out cold the old Marine's touring buddy, Levi who had been waiting for Erwin outside the office before getting smashed with a fast door opening from Armin.

 

Fast forward a few death threats from Levi once he awoke and five break downs from Armin ( " I ALMOST KILLED HIS BEST FRIEND!!!!"), and Ymir and Reiner still had to crack a smile whenever they thought back to that milestone of their progress .

With that said, Reiner let out a laugh as he saw Ymir lick her thumb and wipe away some left over orange juice on Armin's cheek in such a motherly way that Reiner couldn't help but let a small chuckle get out. Standing up Reiner moved over to the duo and began to help Armin with one last prep talk.

 

"Young jedi Armin Arlert,"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you accept the following mission?"

 

Reiner caught the sassy eye roll from the usually nervous blond as he replied, "Sure Reiner."

 

"Very well young Jedi. I have a solid plan." 

 

"Whats the plan?"

 

"So I want you to lean over to Erwin. "

 

"Ok."

 

"Get really close."

 

"Uh huh."

 

"Then I want you to suck his dick, aight? Deep throat. Lick. Bite. really get in there. Scare him. Like go pre-hannibal. Lets go team, " Reiner joked and broke out laughing as he saw Armin's face turn utterly red and panicked. After a quick head slap from Ymir ("Not helping,") , Reiner composed himself.

 

"Just kidding champ, I want you to ask him if he wants to eat lunch with you ok?" 

 

Before Armin could disagree, there was a quick rap of knocks on the dorm room ending as none other than Eren Jeager let himself in to escort Armin to his therapy. With a quick wink from Reiner and a small nod of encouragement from Ymir, Reiner watched as the young blond and brunette exited the room.

 

"Think he'll do it?" asked Ymir as she began to pick up her unused gym bag from the floor.

 

Reiner shrugged his shoulders, " Who knows, I hope he does. He deserves someone to love."

 

With that, the pair left the dorm as they headed to find the other two in their usual group; Marco and Krista.

 

"Don't we all, " whispered Ymir under her breathe as they saw Marco wave over at them from the left corner of the common room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I mean, personally I don't like blonds but."

 

"Eren please."

 

"But like I guess if you're into the entire military outfit thing."

 

"Eren."

 

"Holy shit, do you think he likes to be call commander in bed?"

 

"Kill me now Mikasa."

 

Mikasa let out a small laugh and shook her head as Eren continued to tease Armin on their way as his therapy escorts. Shifting her scarf , out of the corner of her eye could she see the faint sparkle of Eren's ear piercing as he spun playfully around Armin.

 

 

"Armin and Erwin sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-"

 

Standing tall to Eren's left as they made it closer and closer to their destination, Mikasa could only look on with a smile as Eren mercilessly teased Armin as the young blond attempted to cover Eren's mouth with his hand as they got closer and closer to their destination. Almost tackling Eren out of desperation which ended as Armin more or less getting piggy backed by Eren, Mikasa felt her body warm up as she remembered a brief flash of them in the same position years ago on their way home from their first soccer game after Armin had been to exhausted to walk the rest of the way. They were dorks of course but as Eren opened up the doctor's waiting room door with his drawn on converse and crashed through the door with a now tomato red Armin still holding on for dear life, they were her dorks.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Bullshit."

 

"Is not."

 

"I refuse to believe that Marco."

 

"Why?"

 

"I don't know Bott. My grandma use to say Freckles were a sign of sin making. No way you're a virgin." Connie Springer said determined as he spun around in his chair. Of course Connie knew that Marco had to be a virgin with his shy nature but seeing the taller boy blush and squirm was much better then simply agreeing. Currently sitting across the other male around the poker table with Annie to his side and Krista to Marco's side, they were currently sexual history. Needless to say, Connie hadn't had this much fun in weeks.

 

"This wouldn't happen to come from the same grandma who got arrested for streaking at your first football game, would it?" Quipped Annie as she drank in her black coffee. Hoping it would cover up the small smile that had found itself on her face since Connie had begun to make Marco's face match the bright red of the chair she was sitting in.

 

"Indeed would be, " Replied Connie, "Would have gotten away with it too but she was carrying a poster saying , " 17 is my grandson!!". Connie responded as he saw Reiner and Ymir heading over to them both still decked in workout gear.

 

"Streaking grannies?? Starting story time without me and Ymir, I'm offended." Quipped Reiner as he and Ymir pulled up chairs to the already full table.

 

"More like tryna figure out if Marco's a bottom or top. " Connie stated with a wide smirk as Marco shrunk into his seat as Reiner's deep laugh echoed through the room blending it with the choked attempt by Annie to not spit out her coffee as the table broke into hysterics.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bertolt would like to believe he had done pretty badass things in his past life, at least ruled a kingdom or something. Maybe have been worshipped as some far away God? Killed a man?

 

Anything to have explained his plethora of bad luck here.

After all  it would be Bertolt whose therapist would think that what he needed was to simply get out of his comfort zone by forcing him to spend time with another patient. The new patient, jean.

It would be Bertolt who had the task of being locked in a room with Jean for an hour so they could get to know each other where he then continue to have looked anywhere but at Jean in dead silence.

It would be Bertolt to be told he would have to help Jean get acquainted with the rest of the patients later in the day and for the rest of the week.

It would be Bertolt that in a dash to escape his therapist the moment his appointment was done, to have smacked straight into said Jean.

And of course it would be Bertolt to be currently doing a pathetic job at helping the younger patient stop the nosebleed he had caused with his abrupt force.

At this point in his life, Bertolt wondered what exactly he had done to deserve this.

 

"Uhm....Bertolt....I think the bleeding stop. Could you let go of my head?" Jeans voice rang, bringing Bertolt out of his thoughts as her let go of Jean's head which he had been holding upward in hopes of stopping the blood flow. Hilarious, thought Bertolt- I have no problem with my blood but God forbid any of Jean's get on me. Wiping away at the always collecting sweat on his forehead and turning to wash his hands in the bathroom sink.

 

"Uhm...common room?" Bertolt muttered as he continues washing his hands, if helping Jean slightly meant getting Hange a bit off his back after his earlier screening showed up new cuts, Bertolt was more than ready to take a chance at atleast introducing Jean to Annie and Connie then leaving for his hit.

 

I mean this will be good. Practice for Reiner, right?

~~~~~~~~

 

Jean couldn't help but notice things sometimes. 

A talent that had gotten him in quite some trouble as a child and on the streets, Jean had almost forgotten how potent his subtle detail intake was. Because as Jean stood there on the long bench as Bertolt cleaned up, Jean felt his eyes quickly take in a few minor details. Minor as in pretty fucking major under any other situations if it weren't for the fact they were probably common here.

Observation 1: Bertolt has scars. Hundreds. Covering every last inch of his skin. His arms at the very lest from what he could see.

 

Observation 2: Bertolt saw him.

 

Quickly pulling up his sleeves and casting a nervous off glance, Jean watched as Bertolt nodded back curtly as for jean to follow him.Keeping his mouth shut, Jean followed Bertolt silently as they exited the bathroom and began their trek down the halls to the large and mismatched common room.

 And it wasn't like Jean was oblivious to self harm having done quite a number on his own hips when he was younger just to spite his dad but looking up at the gentle abit clumsy giant that was Bertolt, Jean felt a stir of concern and pity in his stomach. I mean, what the fuck was Bertolt feeling to do that too himself so much over and over again?

 

Coming out of his thoughts as he and Bertolt came upon the soft colored walls of the common room which was already pretty filled and smell faintly of the lunch being prepared only a few rooms away, Jean came upon observation 3.

 

Observation 3: Bertolt definitely had no intention.What so ever. of being anywhere near Reiner.

 

And in those brief moments of following Bertolt in his abrupt U turn attempt at seeing Reiner turn to him from the table they were heading to in the corner, had Jean come upon yet another observation.

 

Observation 4: Fuck did Freckles look cute blushing.

 

Cute, fucking took-his-goddamn-breath-away Freckles.

Was-wearing-an-oversized-hoodie-but-looked better-than-any-model-he-had-ever-met Freckles.

Had-Jean-Lookin-up-to-Heaven-and-praying-thanks-for-his-adorable-but-would-fuck-in-a-minute-face Freckles.

 

Needless to say, Freckles had Jean whipped.

Freckles who was also currently blushing under his gaze.

Freckles who nervously put a hand up to wave.

 

Observation 5: Jean was a dumbass

 

Because as he turned around to wave back and his body turned to follow Bertolt's U turn, had Jean fallen.

Like not fallen in love, he took time with his feelings.

But as in fell. Physically fell over the small worn love seat to his left.

And he tried to grab onto the closest thing he could.

Which was Bertolt.

More specifically and unfortunately had he grabbed Bertolt's ass as he fell forward( "Not on purpose!! Bertolt was just that tall!!" He would later defend)

 

Crashing to the floor in what had to be ironic slow motion, Jean could swear he caught a whif of smoke as the threads of his life slowly caught fire.

 

Observation 6: Freckles smelled like mint. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Bertolt felt was a hand on his ass. And if that alone hadn't gave him a heart attack, than it was the fall/tackled that hit him next.

 

The third thing that hit him was the poorly rugged wooden floor. The fourth thing was the immediate wrapping and lifting of him in a set of strong arms from the floor.

And the fifth thing that hit him was the sudden eye contact with a pair of concerned, gorgeous golden looking eyes.

 

"Hey are you aright?" Said Adonis, scratch that Reiner as he managed to get Bertolt back up his feet. Wrapped in the blond's hold, Bertolt was prett sure he had forgotten how to speak as he continued to stare back in terror at the man. And feeling a wave of sweat rush his body,Bertolt threw his eyes downward to the floor only to come face to Reiner's muscles chest which brought yet another wave of blushing and sweat to the tall slender man as he quickly nodded and stepped away from the blond's no longer closed grasp. Still reeling from what had to be now number 1 on the list of completely traumatizing events Bertolt had faced- Bertolt finally took in the commotion surrounding him and the still face planted Jean.

 

There was Marco with a bone thin hand wrapped around Jean's forearm as Connie had his other while they attempted to lift the young man up. There was Reiner who for some reason continued to stare at him, (which he noticed with another wave of  sweat setting upon him). There was Annie who was looking on at the scene with mild interest as she continued sipping her black coffee. And lastly off to the side with a hand wrapped tightly around Krista in case poor coordination was contagious was Ymir who seemed to be trying hard not to laugh in her usual work out attire of jogging pants and a tank top..

 

As Bertolt stood there with his lanky frame aching slightly from the fall and the pine like scent surrounding him from what he guessed must have been Reiner's body wash making his stomach turn in a way it never had before, Bertolt could only think one thing: Ok he had to have killed a man in his past life for this.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And Erwin, how is your prescription going?" Dr.Carolina asked as she stared across to the two blond men before her. Addressing the taller of the two and having been their directed therapist for the best part of the last year and  half, Dr.Carolina had long grown use to the scene  before her; the tall vet Smith staring straight ahead at her as he sat back casually in his chair openly while the younger man would stare at his hands- taking quick looks up at her and his therapy partner, always with a soft blush flooding his face

 

"Good. I feel slightly dizzy afterwards but I think I just haven't been drinking enough water before hand." Erwin stated softly as he adjusted himself slightly in the over plushed patient chair.

 

"That's wonderful, and you Armin? How are your antidepressants?"

 

"They're doing ok. They calm my nerves down."

 

"Great, great," Br.Carolina replied happily as she wrote down some notes on their usual files," well I think that's all for today gentlemen. Erwin I want you to make sure you're getting more sleep ok? And Armin, I would like you to see if you can include more exercise in your schedule, might help with stress-ok?

 

With quick nods and goodbye from both men, Armin and Erwin exited Dr.Carolina's office and made their way down the mint green small hall to her waiting room where their usual companions waited for them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

But before Erwin could reach fro the door knob and hold the door open for Armin to go first as usual- Armin felt a surge of courage hit him as he felt a blush hit his cheeks.

Nervously biting down on his cheek, Armin made a move, "Wait..uh Erwin.Wouldyouliketohavelunchwithme?NotthatyouhavetoIjust,we'vebeenintreatmeentforsolngbutweneverreallytalkoutsideofhereandIwasjustwonderingif-"

 

"Alright, I'd like that. Thank you for the invite Armin," Erwin said cheerfully, smiling at the younger man who quickly looked down and blushed a thorough red.

 

Opening the door and holding it as always, Armin's courage met its end as he quickly pretty much ran past Mikasa and Eren who followed him till he made it to he and Eren's dorm.

 

"I did it."

 

Mikasa looked at Armin for a second not quite knowing what he meant but Eren immediately enveloped his life long friend into a huge hug, only a second sooner before all three of them stood in a giant hug- Mikasa quickly realizing Armin had finally worked up the courage to make a move on Erwin

 

"Fucking finally Armin. What did he say? He said yes right?" Eren asked, finally making contact with his still blushing friend as Armin sat down on his bed and nodded quickly.

 

With that, Armin realized what he did and with a look of utter horror ran to the bathroom and upchucked his breakfast. 'What had he just gotten himself into???', Armin wondered. Sitting in the male bathroom in his and Eren's hall as Eren patted him on the back softly while Mikasa pushed her soft fingers through his large head of blonde hair, Armin needed a minute.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You ever fuck up in front of your crush? Like majorly fuck up? Like as in 'he's holding an ice bag to your head' type of fuck up?

 

Because I did.

 

"You don't have to stay here with me if you want, lunch is about to start. You can go, I think I'm a bit dizzy anyways." Jean muttered as he tried to focus on anything but Freckles' gorgeous mug. Sitting on his bad alone with the other guy and still recovering from the joke made by some shaved head guy ( "Damn, already got him to take you to his room? Go Freckled Jesus!"), jean was slowly but surely recovering from his major fail excuse of a life specifically from today's scene.

 

Freckles chuckled, "I'm alright here. Not particularly hungry myself,"

 

"Oh alright."

 

"Its Marco."

 

"Huh?"

 

"My name, its Marco. You're Jean right?"

 

"Oh yeah, uhm nice to meet you....actually never mind, I in no way wanted to meet you like this. Jesus Christ, my life is a mess." Jean said dramatically as he straightened up in his bunk. Shifting slightly to sit straighter and putting a hand to the un-iced side of his head, Jean froze momentarily as he heard a soft chuckle coming from his 'nurse'. 

 

Fuck no, no one was suppose to be that hot and have a laugh that cute.

 

"What was that?" Marco asked causing Jean to not so smoothly shrug his shoulders and look away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

"You were being serious?"

 

"Levi."

 

"I swear, what a fucking cradle robber."

 

"Levi."

 

"I knew it. Daddy kink huh? "

 

"Leviii," Erwin muttered exasperated as he saw his shorter companion smile from on top of his bunk.

 "Its just lunch. Look Armin has anxiety and panic attacks, if him asking me to have lunch with him means progress- then I am there for him, ok? "

 

"Tch."

 

"Why are you jealous?"

 

Holding back a deep laugh Erwin cracked a smile as he saw Levi so eloquently flick him off and give him a dirty look. Having just gone over Armin's invite with Levi moments before, Erwin could only smile at Levi's thoughts. Ranging anywhere from Armin being a spy sent to get Erwin arrested for underage relations to Armin being a serial killer ready to destroy Erwin's life, he had to admit- Levi could certainly be dramatic when he wanted to.

 

"Just don't fuck him till hes eighteen Erwin. God knows he'll still be too fucking small for your cock but-"

 

"I'm not going to fuck him Levi, its just lunch. Maybe you can go and sit with Eren and both of you can finally apologize to each other for last Christmas' fist fight in Dr.Carolina's waiting room."

 

"As fucking if. That bastard deserved his ass kicking. What a little bitch, had to start bringing his sister to guard him after that."

 

"Levi, it wasn't his fault he thought you were-"

 

"Don't fucking say it."

 

"Dr.Carolina's son."

 

"You fucking said it."

 

"You're both raven haired and pale. Simple mistake- most certainly not deserving of you knocking two of his teeth out.

 

"Tch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As all ways, comment/leave kudos/ and suggestions are always so loved. Hit me up in my tumblr Icar-vs and should I add some slight ereri vibes or ??????????


	5. Anybody else but you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista/Ymir fluff, yasss its canon
> 
> Eren is a mess
> 
> Marco and Jean fit together like puzzle pieces
> 
> And Levi loves Erwin,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the anon that gave me the idea to kickstart with Ymir and Krista fighting a bit, you renewed my creativity so bless your soul.
> 
> I think I'm just going to have a set publishing pattern, I'll update every three- four days.
> 
> Sorry also for this kinda short chapter, just want to get my groove back

 

Krista had always been the beautiful one.

Blonde locks that fell down her back.

Red lips that only helped bring out her rosy cheeks.

A breathtaking smile with eyes that held the color of all the sky in them.

Honor student, head cheerleader, prom queen, theater star,

Krista had been God’s gift.

But restless nights cramming for numerous tests had led to her cramming fingers down her throat.

One skipped dinner turned to a week of skipped food.

Weighing herself every month turned to every hour.

She was simply  too big.

 

Too big for the football players who threw themselves onto her frame at parties , thinking she was too far gone to mind. The vodka would ring through her mouth as they forced their hands on her, but she never made a sound.

Too big for the nameless kids who would spite her with dirty looks and whispered “whore” and “slut” comments under their breath. They didn’t know her name but she was rich and pretty, what else could there be to her.

Too big for the uncle that use to visit her through her life. Aftershave burning her skin, and his hands like iron as they held her still.

Too big for the small tops her friends would pass her. As they whispered her deepest secrets through the linoleum halls, their four inch heels taunting her thoughts.

Too big for the 100 question exams, and the four hour homework assignments piled on top of one and other everyday. Did they know how many of her peers were having mental breakdowns at home?

Too big for her wealthy dad, who had fucked her mom a little too recklessly and had found himself tied down to a mistake mothered by a gold digger.

Krista had always been too big.

Except when she was in Ymir’s arms. Ymir made her feel small.

“Ymir we have to go. We told Armin we would help him get ready.”

“And we will, just a few more minutes ok?” Ymir muttered into her thin blonde topped head, as her arms seemed to wrap ever tighter the smaller female. With a hesitant sigh, Krista allowed her body to curl deeper into Ymir’s muscled figure. Letting the smell of Ymir’s body fill her mind with the expanse of pine and cinnamon, Krista felt her nose finally fill itself with something other than what appeared to be the lingering stench of vomit that had seemed to permeate from her more days than not. A stench that appeared stronger than usual today, a fact that had apparently not gone passed the stronger woman’s mind.

“You said you wouldn’t purge today.”

“Ymir, don’t.”

“Krista.” Ymir sighed as she began to tighten her grip on the ,no doubt planning to escape, love of her life currently in her arms. With gentle ease, she let Krista settle once more into her body as the smaller female de-tensed in her hold. Having long gotten use to the texture of bones, and the soft taste of acidity that hung to the kisses Krista permitted, Ymir could never quite get used to the fact that even in her arms on her small crowded bunk- she could still not yet protect Krista from pain. As Krista passed her soft hand acrossed the ornate native Cherokee rose tattoo on her neck, looking up to her through long lashes- skin taut over her cheekbones, Ymir knew that even now she could not protect Krista.

“I don’t want to fight.” Krista whispered through her small mouth, not daring to look up into Ymir’s deep dark chocolate eyes. Scooting forward with her thin legs, she moved her body upwards till her smaller figure fell into the crook of Ymir’s collarbones, and she didn’t want to fight- she also didn’t want to hear the wear and tear in her girlfriend’s voice as she would attempt to “reason” with her. She didn’t want to hear the inevitable disappointment that clung to all the therapists as they took in her lack of progress find itself buried into the deep voice of Ymir’s that whispered, “I love you”s.

“And I don’t want you….alright. Ok.” Ymir relented as she leaned her face down to hold Krista in her hold, she would let this time slip. She didn’t want to ruin the way the soft light that fell through the peach blinds looked as they lit up Krista’s blond hair. She didn’t want to ruin the way her green sheets seemed almost silk like as it stood rumpled under her and Krista. She didn’t want to let go of the faint mint aura that Krista had long ago gained.

She didn’t want Krista to purge anymore either….but she didn’t want another needless fight today between the two of them.

After another few minutes of feeling as if they melted against each other in the soft warmth of a peaking afternoon, the two lovers tore themselves apart as they slipped into their respective roles as they walked to Armin’s room. With one of them holding the other with a strong hand at her small back, and the other pressed still closely to the taller’s chest- as if maybe, just maybe she wasn’t too big for her heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Eren was a 100 percent truthful with himself, he was a mess.

A tall, teal blue colored eye mess.

An impulsive mess.

A bisexual mess.

A tattooed,pierced mess.

A mess none the less,

 And as he was currently being forced to draw with crayons on the table of Dr.Dawk’s desk...Eren too realized he would probably kill a man for his old canvas and acrylics.

 

Eren was simply, for all intents and purposes, a mess.

Now don’t get him wrong, Dawk was alright.

He still had his gauges and his full sleeves even as he continued scribbling down opposite of Eren.Hell Dawk was pretty alright as he more than weekly brought Eren some new music Cd or junk food to take back to his dorm free of charge. Yet, Eren knew that at the end of the day, he was in Dawk’s office for one reason and one reason only.

He was a mess.

“You doing alright there Eren?” Doctor Nile asked as he stretched himself slowly across the dark wood table. Stretching his arms over his mohawked head, Eren caught the sharp thorns of his vine covered bicep.

 

“Yeah, just thinking I guess….Did I tell you Armin finally asked out Commander Handsome?”Eren asked, long having passed the boundary with shamelessly updating Dawk on the gossip of the center.

 

Dawk smiled softly, “Finally, I’m happy to see he’s putting himself out there. But keep it on the down low, the last thing I need is Hange showing up at my house again at five a.m to lecture me on how I’m not suppose to encourage you’re pushing of boundaries”

“Tough talk coming from a fellow punk don’t you think Dawk? Overthrow the authority remember” Eren replied with a wide smile as he reclined to put his drawn up converse on the table. Pushing a strand of his dark brown hair into his beanie, Eren pushed the crayons towards Dawk alongside his task of the day.

His task being to draw his current desire.

It was a picture of the tattoo he wanted to get for as long as he could remember. A set of wings.

And as Nile picked up the drawing and actually formed a pretty impressed face, Eren couldn’t help but let the warmth of appreciation for his drawing settle through his much too lean body.

 

“Damn Eren, tattoo right? It’s amazing. “

 

“Eh crayons were shit, and I can’t exactly draw Megan Fox so why not. I want to call them Wings of Freedom” Eren shrugged, reclining in the seat.

 

“Speaking of freedom, do you have any update on when me and Mikasa’s next date with the board might be?” Eren asked looking up with a hopeful expression. Eren had expected the following soft frown and sympathetic look on the doctor’s face as he rubbed at the back of his forehead, but it still hurt.

 

“Sorry Eren….Hange hasn't received anything either.” With that Eren got up lightly as he threw on his leather jacket. Grabbing his newest gift of twizzlers off the table and walking around the table to fling a dramatic hug around Dawk. Eren began to head towards the poster plastered wooden doors that framed the vinyl and medical book lined room.

 

“Its ok. Alas my good doctor, my time here is up. Catch you next week Dawk?”

 

“Same time and same place next week Eren, have a good afternoon.” Doctor Dawk called as Eren pushed himself through the door of his required weekly session.

 

Walking through the brightly lit halls, Eren had long grown use to the winding hallways and too clean smell of lemon bleach. Having been here for nearly two going on to three years since the “accident”, Eren liked to think he knew the center like the back of his hand.

Well atleast i'm a mess with a good sense of direction, he thought as he rounded the last corner to arrive at the dining room. With a few minutes left before lunch was called, Eren quickly made his way to his room to get cleaned up before heading out for some last few words of wisdom to throw at his childhood friend Armin who was probably in the processed of being prepped by Reiner and co. So with a hurried sigh , Eren removed his black Dropkick Murphys band shirt as he watched his figure on his shared wall mirror.

It had been two years and even now were the scars from the “accident” sill vulgarly present on his torso. Purple marks left by what had been melting rubber. Deep red cuts from jagged windshield glass. Still lingering bruises from tons of metal scraping him along the intersection of Edison and Grand. But most prominent stood the cigarette marks Eren had added in the aftermath.

In the aftermath of waking up three days later with 53 broken bones.

In the aftermath of waking up to a pending arrest for underage drinking and driving.

In the aftermath of finding it hadn’t brought back his mom.

In the aftermath of finding Armin had been institutionalized after a severe meltdown.

In the aftermath of realizing his joyride had turned to shit.

In the aftermath of being told Mikasa was in a coma.

Eren shook his head. Letting his eyes move off the deep 23 circular scars spotting his abdomen, Eren quickly picked up a soft burgundy sweatshirt laying just off his bed. Pulling it over his head, he pushed one last hand through his head of untamable hair as he took in the dark bags under his eyes, the recent inch he had grown, the way his left ear twinkled with its three studs whenever he turned his head just so....the bloody knuckles that he never quite let heal…

 

Ah yes, he was also a very angry and hot headed mess.

Taking one last look around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything, Eren Jager took his black ipod from the pocket of his dark blue skinny jeans and with a flick of his wrists threw on his headphones,

As the music blasted through his ears, Eren Jager was off.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“But what if.”

“Reiner, I am not sleeping with Erwin.”

“You can never be too sure, things happen.”

“We’re meeting for Tuesday lunch. Not throwing back shots on a Friday night.”

“Armin. Do you want to get pregnant? Because it kinda sounds like you want to get pregnant.”

Annie truly wondered how she ended up hearing a conversation like this. Settled deep on her bunk, in between Connie and Eren, Annie Leonhart was trying her very hardest to hide the small smirk that had found its place on her face as she pushed her sketchpad almost completely over her face. A sketch which still failed to hold the amount of humor in the scene it was trying to portray, the scene of an unamused Armin currently refusing to accept a condom packet from the taller blond.

“Reiner, your ridiculous.”

“It happens!”

“I want sources, MLA format 7.” Chimed in a giggling Eren as he passed a bag of twizzlers to a smiling Mikasa who was currently straightening out Armin’s button up.

“Fine bitchacho. Consider it done!”

“Why do I have a sense your ideas of sources is gonna be cut outs from a comic book.” Connie asked all knowingly as he spread his legs across the crowded bunk. The bald youth's face lighting up with a playful smirk as the buffer blonde took on an offended stance.

“I don’t know. Why did I have a sense your bitchass voice was gonna ask me that CONSTANTINE.” Reiner replied with passion

With that, half the room burst out in loud laughter as a breathless Eren held back an already offensive Connie from lunging himself on top of the much larger male currently smirking as he finally managed to force the packet into Armin’s jean pocket, although begrudgedly.

“Ok come on guys, calm yourselves.” Came the soft voice of Krista from where she sat on Ymir’s lap in Sasha’s bunk across from Annie’s. Getting up her frightening thin figure, Krista pushed her fingers one last time through Armin’s hair as he attempted to regain his breathing pattern.

“Are you nervous?”

“About to have a breakdown actually.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah, because you’re not having it. That means you really want this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“The ice is melted.”

“Do you want me to leave.”

“No, stay. Please stay.”

“Alright,” muttered Marco as he settled once more on Jean’s bunk, next to him. The blush long having left his body, Marco’s heart still sped up the slightest at Jean’s words. Whether they were merely being kind or they were voicing his loneliness, it didn’t matter. In half an hour, Marco had learned quite a bit about Jean- and that was all that mattered.

“So only kid?”

“Yeah, or I hope. I probably half at least a dozen half siblings all around the world to be honest. But you?”

“Ha. I have seven siblings, I’m the middle kid. Three sisters, three brothers.”

“Damn Freckles, how was that.”

“I’m pretty sure we could have cosplayed the 101 dalmatians movie.” Marco replied quietly, letting a few chuckles pass his chapped lips as he and Jean continued their pointless questions. Feeling his hoodie sink almost traitorously into Jean’s own matching figure, the two young men had long found their bodies leaning into each other as their eyes found themselves plastered to anywhere but each other as their words melted into the soft mountain air.

“Oh gosh, that sounds fun actually. I always wanted to have a sibling, someone to blame for my fuck ups."

“Already sounding like the dream big brother Jean.” Replied Marco sarcastically as the said male pushed him playfully.

“Oh shut it, not everyone can be perfect like you freckled Jesus.”

Marco let a small laugh slip out of his lips as Jean’s words reached him, “Far from perfect but thanks.”

Jean let his amber eyes find the now clearly deflated male besides him, finally allowing the question that had been on his head leave his lips.

“Marco, why are you here.” Jean asked quietly, quickly feeling Marco besides him tense up, he felt immediate regret.

“Wait, I’m sorry- you don’t have to tell me. Its ok, I’m just-

“Eating disorder.”

“Oh okay.”

“Yeah.”

“So uhm…I’m here because I have a sex addiction”

“Fucking liar.”

Jean burst out laughing as Marco quickly covered his mouth.

“Oh my gosh, I’m here because of a drug problem.”

“Jean, thats not funny. Addiction isn’t a joke.”

“I know, but fuck Marco, you’re face was worth it.” Feeling the freckled youth give him a death glare and shove at him , jean laughed hard for what felt like the first time in a hella long time. And as he almost fell off the bed, Jean could see the way Marco’s skin stood taunt and stretch across his thin face- he showed the malnutrition Jean showed, and Jean realize he didn’t like that look at all.

“Alright, alright- so favorite artists?” Jean asked,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t often that Levi and Erwin had lunch with the rest of the clinic population. Opting to rather eat in Levi’s room, the two were an unusual sight as their bodies walked through the large oak cafeteria doors.

Leading the duo stood Erwin Smith, hair parted neatly to the side as he walked in tall with a soft brown sweater that hung to every last expanse of muscle. and wearing a pair of black skinny jeans hidden in a pair of brown ankle boots- the taller male seemed radiant and strong even as he appeared to be almost dragging his companion.

The said companion was Levi Ackerman. At the significantly short height of 5’3, the shorter male was decked out in a dark green cardigan over a white vneck and wearing a pair of blue jeans pushed into black combat boots that matched his dark gaze and ink locks.

“I hate you.”

“Love you too Levi.”

“Suck my dick.”

“Been there, done that- you gave me a concussion remember.”

“Why am I here?”

“To socialize.”

“By doing what, changing your date’s diapers?”

“Nope, you’re eating lunch with Armin’s friends while me and Armin have lunch outside.”

With those words, Levi began backtracking immediately only to level Erwin with a death glare once he took in the blond’s steel grip on his hand.

“I’ll kill the kid.”

“Levi.”

“I’ll yank out  his piercings, I swear.”

“You will not.”

“I’ll take out his sister too, I could give a shit less.”

Erwin let out a deep laugh as his other hand found Levi’s waist and turned him to face him.

“Please, do this for me Levi.”

With an exasperated eye roll and a grunt of, “You fucking owe me.”, Erwin let a smile grace his face as he brought out the wipes in his back pocket and began to wipe down the table and chair in front of the duo that they had stopped at.

“Don’t miss any spots.”

“I won’t.” Erwin replied as he let the smell of lemon clorox fill his nose as his hands made quick work of the wipes , ensuring Levi’s spot would be clean of any of the germs that made his dear friend’s mind hurt and ache.

“Erwin. I don’t really hate you.”

“I know Levi, I know.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, sorry for my shitty writing fellow cadets,
> 
> Comment,kudo,bookmark and do as you wish,
> 
> and whether the undertone is obvious enough I am a very true eruri fan so keep a look out for future fics on that pairing by me, just also really like my 3rd otp winmin
> 
> And as always, I'm constantly going back and improving posted chapters so theirs always hope for improvement for this chapter. None the less, i hoped you enjoyed ^_^


	6. Cocoa Butter Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come up, life goes by, but guess whose back. Back again,
> 
>  
> 
> Song Inspo: Cocoa Butter' by my husband Chance the Rapper
> 
>  
> 
> Both Levi, Bertolt and Armin just need some cocoa butter kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back bitches

**ARMIN POV**

 

Armin Arlert never felt this nervous.

 

Except when Eren got into his car accident.

Except when his grandfather went into surgery.

Except when he had to speak in spanish for his semester final.

Except when Eren first-

 

Okay, so Armin was always actually this nervous but still.

Bile was building in his throat. His palms were wetter than Connie during the infamous bubble bath fiasco.

And his heart, well at any moment, Armin expected to see it jump from his chest in cartoon fashion.

 

 

But right now as he walked into the cafeteria to meet Erwin - there would be no place for him to hide. No Eren or Mikasa to take cover behind. No Reiner to look to to dissipate any awkward stretches of silence. But there was no turning back now especially with the unbreakable wall his friends had created behind him.

 

Pushing a strand of hair out of his face, Armin let his eyes rake over the too white table and mismatched chairs. And spotting the smile that kept him up at night, Armin's eyes met with none other than a smiling Erwin who looked near godly.

 

Felling a slight nudge from his friends, all tailing him with visible excitement - Armin took the plunge.

 

____________________________________________________________________________

**LEVI POV**

 

"He looks constipated." Levi muttered as he took in the tiny blond approaching them. Refusing to allow his body to touch the edge of the table, he could only stare without relent at the no doubt germ infected invader. Just looking at the nudge his friends gave him already verified the tiny blonde was no doubt teeming with germs and bacteria. 

 

"Tell him to go wash his hands first. Wash that magic marker off." Levi whispered even as he felt Erwin push in his chair, no doubt as a punishment for seeing the inevitable age difference.

 

"Shut up Levi." Erwin replied through his smile, never taking his eyes off of the young man walking towards him. 

 

Prompting Levi to roll his eyes, Levi felt a bubble of fear rise in his throat as he saw the way Erwin's interest peak at the sight of the kid. Well maybe 'almost a young adult' but Levi had long ago claimed anyone under he and Erwin's age as short of newborns. Seeing no visible peach fuzz on the brat approaching him, he felt no mistake had been made.

 

"Hello Armin, you look great." Erwin voiced, his deep tone submerging Levi's hearing as his friend extended an arm to the shaken brat before them. 

 

"OH hello Erwin, you too. And hi Levi." The brat stuttered timidly, both leaving a smirk on Levi's face and a smile on Erwin's.

 

Holding back a silent plea for the sweet release of death. Levi found himself reaching behind his seated being and pinching Erwin on the thigh.

 

"Well you two should be going. Wouldn't want to hold him past his bedtime Erwin." Levi deadpanned as Erwin flipped him and gave a sheepish smile to Armin.

Jerking his head to the small outside patio where low danger patients were allowed, Erwin reached for Armin's hand and led the smaller blonde away but not before swatting Levi's head.

 

But watching Erwin and his date's body fade past the white doors, Levi swallowed back a scream he had been slowly building up. Erwin was his. There wasn't enough for both him and the kid. Erwin was his clorox patron, the man who before had washed his room on all four...Erwin was his.

 

______________________________________

**EREN POV**

 

"We should go sit by him," Connie whispered to Eren. His face merely inches from his tray in a bid to stop his voice from reaching the short man a mere two tables from them.

 

"Definitely." Eren responded after a gulp of lemonade.

 

"Really?" Annie asked, surprise lining her usually somber tone as she sat between Reiner and Connie. Their table of four in a silence only broken by the occasional laughter from Armin and Erwin outside.

 

"Yeah, oh wait. Hey Reiner, what starts with 'S'?

 

"Sushi?"

 

"No, 'suicide'. As in I rather kill myself than sit by that midget pyscho." Eren whispered back between the last bites of his guacamole sandwich. Ignoring an unamused look from Annie and the cough/choke from Reiner, Eren shook his head in disbelief from Connie's pleas.

 

And not that he was scared of the guy or anything. But ok, maybe Mikasa being gone and leaving him alone might have been a part of his grief, but Eren was a-ok without getting near the short tempered man that had nearly killed him last time.

 

"Aww, Eren, scared he's gonna kick your ass again?" Reiner guffawed.

 

"Not as scared as you are of talking to that Hoover kid." Eren retorted. Much to his pleasure, causing Reiner to yet again choke slightly on his bowl of pasta.

 

"Hey, maybe you should kill yourself." Reiner threw back as Annie slapped his head.

 

God, Eren loved these people.

 

"Maybe, but FYI Connie. By all means you should join your bunkmate over there but I'm good here. I'm lucky they let me keep all my piercings and I'm not gonna let them get torn out." Eren spoke as he wiped at his mouth, the scrape of chairs and light breeze of the summer days setting him in a cozy mood.

 

"Yeah Connie. No balls, go sit with your roomie." Reiner grinned at their bald headed companion. 

 

Before Eren could rag onto Connie too, to his surprise their shorter friend got up. 

 

Picking up his fruit roll up- Connie stared at Eren as he reached across the table. 

"Suck my dick guys, watch me."

 

And holy fuck, Connie headed over to Levi.

 

 _________________________________________________________________

**JEAN POV**

 

Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

 

"Aww Marco are you really covering your eyes with your hands?" Came Jeans laughing voice across the messy room as he changed his shirt.

 

Marco blushed a deep red, soaking softly into his features.

"Oh shut it Jean. I just respect privacy."

 

"Oh its ok princess. I love me a gentlemen." Jean joked as he fixed one of Reiner's shirt on his much too thin body. Letting himself stride back to the bed and collapse once again next to Marco, Jean didn't think he had been this warm in so long.

 

Warmth on the soft blankets that his body had seeped into.

Warmth that seemed to radiate from Marco's hooded figure.

Warmth that had settled into his bones as the sky had darkened.

 

Warmth that he hadn't felt in a long time.

 

"So you've never traveled?" Jean asked once again to his freckled companion who had shook his head.

  

"I mean we almost drove down back to Mexico for my grandma's 90th birthday but my little brother John got car sick and we had to turn back." Marco recounted, still laughing at the face of horror Jean pulled. Jean himself having visited more countries than Marco even knew existed.

 

"John's a Mexican name?" Jean asked quizzically, having for the last few hours been enraptured by every last word that spewed from Marco.

 

"Oh yeah his real name is Speedy Juan Gonzales," Marco retorted with a snort as he held himself back from looking too intently back at Jean.

 

 "Build a wall! Build a wall!" Jean joked back as Marco nudged him.

 

"Just Kidding Freckles, losing you would be the worst thing that could happen to this place." Jean said, letting his words hang softly for maybe a minute too much as the room suddenly seemed to echo every last one of his thoughts.

The room seeming to now look too big for the two young men in it.

 

"You'd be surprised. But you would be even more surprised to know its almost curfew." Marco replied as he allowed his bony figure to stand albeit without much enthusiasm. Sure he loved spending time with Jean but it was around this time that he and Krista would begin preparing for their tradition. One he couldn't give up, definitely not now as Jean flashed him a smartass smile.

 

"Aww Freckles. How dare you? Off to break hearts?" Jean joked as he stood up himself, allowing himself to walk his new companion to the door.

 

"Oh definitely, so many hearts." Marco joked softly, a chuckle escaping his red tinted lips. Stepping over the threshold of the medium dorm, Marco turned and offered a wave to Jean.

 

"See you around Jean."

 

__________________________________________________________________

**CONNIE POV**

 Levi couldn't kill him. Wouldn't kill him...right? Especially with so many witnesses, right?

 

With those parting thoughts, Connie Springer approached his room mate in what could only be described as a 'pimp gait'. After all, Connie's grandma had always told him to fake it till he makes it and what was more unbothered than a pimp gait?  Absolutely nothing.

Reaching across the two tables quickly, and pushing one of the plastic chairs away - Connie Springer sat down across the discharged veteran and said the first thing that came to his mind.

 

"Hey hot stuff, you come here often?"  The moment the words left his mouth, a single thought appeared in Connie's mind. Ok...so Levi might actually be justified if he does kill him.

 

__________________________________________________________________

**ANNIE POV**

 

"Oh dear Lord, take him now." Reiner managed to spit out as he doubled over himself. Him and Eren seemed euphoric as they erupted in laughter, all three having been closely eavesdropping to the conversation between Connie and his roommate. And whose sudden twist caused even Annie cracked a smile at Connie's inappropriate and quite seductively posed word vomit.

 

However, clearing her face and having seen the smallest clasping of the veteran's hands into fists across from Connie - Annie sprang into movement and roughly gripped Reiner and Eren up with her as they too made their way to the table just steps away. Connie could die at any time but Annie would be damned if it was under her watch.

 

Throwing Reiner, Eren and herself in the remaining seats - Annie found herself surprised at her actions as she realized just how volatile this situation could become.

 

On her left sat the imposing Levi Ackerman, responsible for two broken hands and the strict "No Listerine" rule since his entry into the rehab center.

On his left was Reiner, still reeling from being manhandled by Annie but no doubt willing to throw himself infront of Eren need be. 

Eren, who sat closest to Connie, famously the receiver of one of the broken hands that Levi had caused.

And lastly, also seated at the table was Connie. Almost comically red faced,  who met Annie's gaze and muttered a quick 'Thank God'.

 

Without skipping a beat, Annie turned towards Levi.

"So Levi..How's it going?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, wow it's been 2 years but ayy lmao. Anyways shitty chapter but I just wanted to get some thing moving for the next chapter! I'm also hoping to publish two more pieces so make sure to check out my account soon if Eruri and Jeanmarco hit the spot for you! 
> 
> Once again, I'm always going back and fixing chapters as I go so please feel free to tell me how much you want to kill me for leaving this on hiatus for two years ! Love you guys :)


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